Tag Archives: shovel

FMO’s Medivan To Provide Free Medical Check-Ups To Shovelers

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FMO’s new Medivan is now offering free full physical exams to anyone out shoveling.

West Fargo, ND – While out shoveling heavy snow and pushing your body to the limit, how would you like to step into the warmth of a mobile medical van for a free full physical examination?

Our long-time friend Dr. Fred Wangstone first had the idea of having a Medivan to provide free medical services while he was in prison for having impersonated a medical doctor.

Now that Dr. Wangstone is out of prison, your FM Observer has helped our friend Fred make his pipe dream come true!

If you are out shoveling your driveway, sidewalk, deck, or roof and you see Dr. Wangstone’s free Medivan coming down your unplowed street, simply wave it down to stop for your full free medical check-up along with unlimited Oreo cookies and some spicy hot rum punch.

Weatherman Predicting Worst Winter Ever :(

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Compared to the worst winters ever, this coming winter will top the charts.

West Fargo, ND – The good news is that your FM Observer just hired one of the best weather forecasters in the business.

The bad news is that our very own Dr. Noblin Glasgow is predicting the worst winter ever for our North Central region of the country.

Unfortunately, what we are hearing from Dr. Glasgow is that this coming winter will far exceed any of the previous worst winters on record.

“I am very sorry to say that this winter will make the winters of 1888, 1920, 1941, 1966, and 1997 look like birthday parties at a country club,” explains Dr. Noblin Glasgow while smoking a cigar amongst his stacks of scientific data.

Obviously, in light of this unsettling information, locals are calmly advised to stock up on all the usuals: candles, shovels, Doritos, and beer.

Interestingly, all the letters in Noblin Glasgow can be blown around to spell: Global Snowing!

Top Ten Winter Words North Dakotans Are Getting Really Sick Of

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Fargoans have really gotten to hate the word Arctic.

Fargo, ND – Our FM Observer reporters fanned out across the region to knock on doors asking people what winter words they are getting most tired of hearing.

After doing so, we then empirically compiled the comprehensive list into a scientific study.

We believe it is totally scientific because we used the word empirical.

What follows is a scientific poll of the Top Ten words or phrases that people living in this region are getting really sick of hearing:

10. Winter Snowstorm
9. Frizzle
8. Alberta Clipper
7. Pre-Shoveling
6. Snownami*
5. Windchill Factor
4. Black Ice
3. Blizzard Warning
2. Polar Vortex
1. Arctic

* Snownami is the scientific word for the large ridge of snow left at the end of driveways after the street plows come by to do their due diligence.

FMO Recommends Doing Some Pre-Shoveling Prior To Any Winter Storm

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Pre-shoveling just makes sense!

West Fargo, ND – One tip the FM Observer would like to share with our beloved readers is to get out and do some pre-shoveling prior to a winter storm.

What is pre-shoveling, you may ask?

Pre-shoveling is proactively doing some of the inevitable after-storm shoveling that you’ll have to do…but prior to the snow event.

Not only is it much easier than post-storm shoveling, but it will also impress your neighbors, and show them that you care and that you read the FM Observer.

Blaine Rizbain, who recently moved to Fargo: “Now that I’ve tried doing some pre-shoveling, I am totally hooked, not only because I have an addictive personality but because it just makes sense, plus it’s a good way to meet some neighbors.“

Pre-shoveling is also a good idea prior to the first snow storm of the year because it will help you locate your shoveling equipment which is prolly still up in your attic next to your Christmas tree stand.