Tag Archives: summer

New Home Work-Out Program Called “Flatten Your Curves” Gaining Popularity

Work out with Jack to help flatten your curves.

Fargo, ND – Are you stuck at home trying to work and/or just survive?

Do you have a ton of snack food in your kitchen, pantry, and garage?

Is this pandemic quarantining causing you to gain some extra weight?

Well then, you need to start doing the Flatten Your Curves home workout program!

The Flatten Your Curves home workout system was scientifically designed by the government to help taxes payers stay healthy enough to continue paying their taxes.

By doing certain exercises in a particular order, you are almost guaranteed to flatten your curves, just like our country is trying to do against the Coronavirus.

If everyone does their part by working out at home, together we can flatten our curves just in time for summertime social distancing.

Fargo Getting Positive Response From Students About Year-Round Schooling

Students are super stoked about the idea of year-round schooling!

Fargo, ND Gone are the good old days of School’s Out For Summer!

Students of all ages in the Fargo school system will soon have the pleasure of year-round schooling.

School Board members are patting themselves on their collective backs for “thinking outside the box” on this one, and for coming up with such a smart New Age idea, which will presumably:

1. Raise grade point averages by 20-25% over the next twenty years.

2. Decrease future skin cancer by 20-25% over the next thirty years.

3. Combat the War On Learning Loss (which occurs during summers off).

4. Give children a taste of working a full-time job in the professional world.

5. Teach kids how to manage their recreational PTO (personal time off).

6. Act as punishment for being so spoiled with all their smartphones.

7. Teach the idea of respecting your elders.

8. Keep them busy, out of jail, and off drugs.

Indian Summer Celebrated By Many Even Though It’s No Longer Politically Correct

Indian Summer is one last chance to enjoy summer and prepare for winter.

Summerset, SD – It’s what many in our area have long been waiting and hoping for, and now it’s finally arriving: Indian Summer!

For any employed workers who are lucky enough to have some extra vacation days, it’s a chance to get some final sun on one’s face while perhaps sipping an adult beverage out on the deck.

After we’ve already had a killing frost (and a winter storm), it’s one final time to breathe the last of the warm summer air before heading into the long and dark cold winter months.

The old politically incorrect name for it is Indian Summer while the new hip PC term is now Global Warming.

Indian Summer originally got its name from an old 1919 song by Victor Herbert which helped remind the Indians to get out and add some extra layers of warmth to the outside of their teepees while doing their good-bye dance to summer and happily celebrating a temporary postponement of winter.

Today, it’s more of a chance to tidy up the hoses, get down the snow shovels, put up your Christmas lights, and for street crews to quickly finish up all those road construction projects.

FM Area To Begin Spraying For Gadflies

Fargo Vector Control to uphold their Socratic oath by spraying for gadflies this spring/summer.

Fargo, ND – Aerial sprayers working in conjunction with NDSU bugologists will be taking their fight to the gadfly population this summer, along with the other usual suspects: mosquitoes.

The gadfly (pronounced: gad-fly), which has been a problem since Greek times, is usually only a nuisance to livestock by biting them repeatedly until they start to totally freak out and until the livestock can no longer function normally.

However, sometimes insective gadflies can affect the human population in a very similar manner.

As Socrates once demonstrated, in some cases, a pestive gadfly can annoy and provoke humans into action by constant biting criticism.

A human gadfly is one who upsets societal normality by posing condescending questions that are intended to promote anarchy in the name of progressive liberalism.

Luckily, the Gadfly Police will be out in force also trying to rid Fargo of the human gadfly population.

Jamba Joot To Headline Fargo Reggae Fest

Dennis Brown: “The only difference between a good day and a bad day is your attitude.”

Fargo, ND – This summer’s highly anticipated Fargo Reggae Fest is excitedly stoked to announce that Jamba Joot will be the headlining act at this year’s all-star event.

Jamba Joot has played at literally every Reggae Fest in the world except for the Fargo Reggae Fest, but luckily that will soon no longer be true.

Event organizer Marley Dreadstone says that along with main headliner Jamba Joot, the 2017 Fargo Reggae Fest will loudly and proudly also include the following world-class Reggae bands: Zero Zero, Silver Haze, Low Ride, Jah Mon, The Brownies, Fourth World, Papa Z, and Tropic Of Cancer.

Tickets for the Fargo Reggae Fest will be available wherever tickets are sold, or you can just buy them at the gate and then join in with the parti, mon!

Jah Jones says: “Ef yah wantah parti mon, dis is de way cool plais fah da Reggae moozeek!”

FM Observer Announces Summer Camp 4 New Observers

caption here

You will love spending time with Mother Nature and her mosquitos will love you.

The FM Observer is excited 2 announce FMO Summer Camp. If you like 2 have a good time and are considering satirical writing as your chosen profession, then this camp is totally 4 you. This year’s exciting theme is: Imagine The Possibilities!

Each camp outing is a full 1-day experience which is cleverly sandwiched between 2 nights of sleeping in a tent. Here is the likely schedule 4 your full day of training…

DAY BREAKER (at Sun Rise)
Meet & Greet/Coffee & Name Tags: This is a chance 2 suck down some hot java, shake off the cobwebs, make some good first impressions, and try 2 find your phone. Each camper makes their own nametag by using a wood burner on a thin slice of authentic birchwood, which is then held around your neck with a real leather cord!

EARLY MORNING SESSIONS (All sessions are taught by various FMO Staff Members, sometimes decided by a last-minute coin flip, or by process of elimination.)
1. How 2 Observe: The basix 4 success in this biz.
2. Beginning Satire Training: What is and is not Satire?
3. Advanced Satirical Engineering: Some real exciting stuff!

4. How 2 Show Confidence: Attitude is everything.
5. Knowing Your Audience: Relationship building 4 life.
6. Expect The Unexpected: Always be prepared 4 anything.

7. Dealing With Twitter Trolls: Criticizing your critics.

8. Know The Difference Between Your/You’re
9. Know The Difference Between There/Their/They’re

10. How 2 Be A Gladiator: Become a real fighter.
11. Focusing On Viral Content: Always think big.

12. AfterGlow: Caring & Sharing/Issues & Tissues
After an in-tents day of training, campers are encouraged 2 share their feelings about what they have been exposed 2 and how they are internally processing it all. Also, if you have ever been convicted of a felony, this would be a good time 2 discuss it.

13. Understanding FMO By-Laws & Their Nuances: Some important stuff 2 know.
14. How 2 Know When A Bonfire Is Out-of-Control: This is a great reality check.

Disclaimer: By attending FMO Summer Camp, this in no way guarantees that you will become an official FM Observer. Only the best & brightest are then possibly selected 2 undergo an intense battery of tests 2 determine if they can go on 2 the next level of selectability. No bullying by campers will be tolerated unless it is during a bullying role-play exercise that is held as a part of a legitimate supervised training session. Also, each camper will need 2 bring with them their own food, beverages, tent, and camping supplies. They will also need 2 bring $500 cash in a sealed envelope 2 pay 4 the training sessions. No guns of any kind will be allowed on the premises. However, if FMO Summer Camp is attacked by bears, coyotes, or wolves, anyone with some other type of weapon that proves 2 be effective against the wild predators will score some major points with the FMO Staff.

Touch of Gray

Just For Men Touch of Gray


For only $6.95, you can keep just SOME of that gray but not all of it.  If you’re feeling lazy and only want to dye half of your hair but keep the gray, then use Touch of Gray!

When you think having just a little, or maybe just some gray, is sexy, use Touch of Gray!

Women will love you for it.  Just a little gray is in.  It’s the new summer fashion.

If you don’t have gray hair, dye your hair gray then use Touch of Gray, which leaves your head only half gray.  Do it now before this hot new summer fashion passes you by!


Touch of Gray

New Multi-Bike Is What’s Hot This Summer

The new must-have Multi-Bike!

The new must-have Multi-Bike!

Riderwood, Maryland – If you’ve been curiously wondering what the hot new trend is going to be for the Summer of 2013, your wait is over. It’s the Multi-Bike! (Click on picture to zoom in.)

Just as the FM Observer recently brought you what’s happening in fashion trends for the summer, the latest in cool gadgets and gizmos is now here for the official start of summer.

The inventor of the Multi-Bike is Mike Rust. Mike explains that his prototype stands almost 10 feet tall. He admits: “Not to honk my own bike horn, but it’s an extraordinarily designed 8-wheel drive bike which is great for looking over fences at the baseball parks and outdoor concert venues. Plus, it certainly helps out meeting women.”

Mike was thinking that since his bike has 8 wheels, the name should have been the OctoBike, but decided on Multi-Bike (start with an M- and ends with -ike, just like Mike).

You can purchase the simple 500-step process to make your own Multi-Bike directly from Mike. He says he’s the only Mike Rust in Riderwood, Maryland so the NSA shouldn’t have a problem tracking him down for you.

So, what are some people saying about Mike’s Multi-Bike?

Get this bicycle. You will not regret it, if you live. ~Mark Twain

This bicycle is a curious vehicle. Its passenger is its engine. ~John Howard

Life is like riding this Multi-Bike. To keep your balance, you must keep moving. ~Albert Einstein

Every time I see an adult on a Multi-Bike, I no longer despair for the future of the human race.” ~H.G.Wells

Life is like a 10 speed bicycle. Most of us have gears we never use. ~Charles M. Schultz

A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle. ~Gloria Steinem

I’d rather ride two unicycles at the same time than one bicycle twice. ~Jarod Kintz

Fantasy is an exercise bicycle for the mind. It might not take you anywhere, but it tones up the muscles that can. Of course, I could be wrong. ~Terry Pratchett

Mom Jeans

Summer Fashion Tips

Fargo, ND – Summer is right around the corner.  Are you aware of what you wear?  Do you know what’s ‘IN’ as far as fashion goes?  Follow these summer fashion tips and you will feel too cool for school.  You will be the person people flock to everyday just so they can bask in your presence and awesome hip fashion prowess.


1. Jean Shorts or ‘Jorts’


Mens Jean Shorts - Jorts

You think these are just for children, NASCAR fans or old dads?  Wrong!  Having a few pairs of these in your wardrobe is a must.

**A braided leather belt compliments these very well.

**Favorite past time is drinking copious amounts of alcohol while only wearing these.

**If bleach or chlorine happens to fall on them, leave it.  You just transformed them into cool acid wash jeans which are so in.

**Wearing sandals with socks is a perfect complement to jorts.


2. Mom Jeans

Mom Jeans

These were cool before the ‘Pink’ brand started being plastered on young and middle aged women’s butts.  Mom jeans in the rear represent an upside down heart shape.  Now if that doesn’t make your ass hot I don’t know what will.

They also sometimes cover that unsightly belly button of yours.  They must be worn half way up your stomach for this fashion champion to make a big impression.

**Old and vibrant Christmas sweater goes well with these jeans.

**Multicolored long sleeve shirt that you knitted yourself also complements these jeans very very well.

SNL said it best. “For this Mother’s Day, don’t give Mom that bottle of perfume. Give her something that says, ‘I’m not a woman anymore…I’m a mom!’ ”  That’s right, get her mom jeans.


3. V-necks

Deep V-Neck

**STOP**  Be careful when choosing to wear this glorious summer fashion attire.  You must ask yourself a couple questions before going out in public wearing one these.

The first question is, “Is it low enough?”  If it isn’t down to your belly button, don’t bother wearing one.  Chicks love chest hair ending with a belly button all in a shape of a V going down a man’s body.  The second question you must ask yourself is, “Can I get into this shirt by jumping into the air like a newly born gazelle?”  If you can’t, don’t bother wearing this shirt.

This shirt is reserved for the super cool, hip, trendy, and in-style people.  If you can’t do the two questions above successfully then you are not that guy.


4.  Shoulder Pads

Shoulder Pads 80's fashion

Some some people say this was one of if not the worst fashion trend of the 80’s.  I think that is nonsense.  These actually served a function and that was to protect your burly women shoulders from a possible attack from a bad guy.  They also serve to protect the shoulder when you need to do a running tackle to save a man or woman from getting hit by a car or train.  Many women in the 80’s did just that and became national heroes.

You know what wearing shoulder pads also means?  That you are a woman and you kick fucking ass!


5.  Flip Flops with Socks or ‘Smandals’

flip flop and socks or ninja

This is a very versatile combo much like that of hiking shoes.  You get the coolness factor of “Hey dude, I’m hip and from the beach” with the sandals but you also get the “I’m ready to put on any other shoes at any given moment for any given occasion.  I’m that resourceful.”  And last but not least, when you take the flip flops off, you can always look like that one-toed ninja you always wanted to be.

For example, socks with flip flops gives you the cool breeze of the wind yet without showing your mangled feet whose nails haven’t been cut in months.  Take the sandals off and you can put on a pair of running shoes and stop that thief you just saw stealing grandma’s purse.

*Again, these go very well with jean shorts.


There you have it.  I hope these five but very effective summer fashion tips were helpful for you.  I hope to see you out in the sun in some jean shorts, a kick ass vneck with shoulder pads, and some flip flops with socks.