Tag Archives: war

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Asked To Help Fight The Corona Virus

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Super heros to fight super virus!

Super heroes to fight super virus!

Atlanta, GA – The Trump Administration is wisely asking the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles for assistance in fighting the Corona Virus War.

President Trump is personally calling upon the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Team to lead our country’s fight against the latest spreading viral threat.

“As this Corona Virus is really starting to go viral, it totally makes sense to have the team of Leo, Mikey, Raph, and Donnie be on the front lines to battle this sick Corona Virus because these Super Turtles have a natural immunity to the Corona Virus,” tweets the president.

The FM Observer has also learned that one possible option on the table is for those who have contracted the Corona Virus to be placed in comfortable Governmental Sick Camps where they can be cared for by the Turtle Team, while being completely quarantined safely away from the rest of society.

Further Funding For “Fort Fargo” Finally Finds Feasible Financial Footing

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A rare look inside the main bunker of Fort Fargo.

Fargo, ND – What many have been fighting for for forty four fruitless fortnights may soon finish with fruitional finality.

The remains of Fort Fargo, which was originally built at the beginning of Fargo’s war with Moorhead, will officially become a preserved historical site, right next to a major museum honoring those who fought in this famous battle.

Those who have been fighting for funding for the Fort Fargo Museum & Historical Site raised glasses to toast that the North Dakota Legislature finally voted in favor of committing public funds to this worthy project.

After a nearly fourteen year debate, the N.D. House voted to use forty million dollars from a combination of the state treasury and loans from the Bank of North Dakota to financially fund the costs of Fort Fargo.

If you feel that you have any historical artifacts possibly from the Fargo/Moorhead War that should be included in the new F/M War Museum, please contact the Fort Fargo Foundation for further instructions on what to do and how to do it.

Criss Angel To Lead US Army’s New MINDFREAK Infantry

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Craig Angel

Craig Angel

Washington, DC – In the desolate, run-down wastelands of the Middle-East, countries are at war. People are blowing stuff up over there at an alarming rate. Blowing things up and blowing each other up and putting our soldiers at serious risk in the process.

That is why Chuck Hagel, Obama’s outgoing Secretary of Defense, has decided as last order of business to implement the power of Magic to the Army’s arsenal of tactics.

Hagel sees Magic as a weapon that our nation’s military can utilize to their benefit:

Chuck Hagel

Chuck Hagel

“We’ve got some of the more prolific magicians on the planet at our disposal here in these United States. Daniel Copperfield, Damien Blaine, Craig Angel. They all possess valuable powers that the military wants to apply to combat. These magicians were forcefully volunteered to contribute their expertise and we’ll have Craig Angel at the helm of our brand new Mindfreak Infantry Battalion.”

Hagel went on to add that the newly-implemented MINDFREAK infantry will contribute its “la-de-da whoop-de-doo Houdini shit” to battle. He also stated that soldiers will be “walkin’ on water and flyin’ without wings” before too long.

Criss Angel sounded excited for this new opportunity to showcase his magical abilities:

“I guess i’m going to teach soldiers how to levitate and do card tricks to pass the time? I don’t really know.”

Kudos to Criss Angel for lending his talents to the United States Military. Criss can hopefully teach soldiers how to steal enemy guns with their minds and maybe even stop bullets like Neo from the Matrix. That would be wicked.