Moorhead, MN – The quiet little town of Moorhead will soon be anything but once the National Zombie Apocalypse Survival Conference comes to town.
What is the Zombie Apocalypse?
As it’s described in the Zombible, the Zombie Apocalypse is the undead uprising that will occur during the final destruction of the world. As you probably know, this time period will be dominated by the walking dead roaming the Earth in search of human flesh.
How do you survive a Zombie Apocalypse?
As is spelled out in the Zombie Apocalypse Survival Guide, every living person needs to have a Zombie Plan ready so you know what to do in case of a Zombie Outbreak. Having a wide variety of weapons is highly recommended, such as a zombat (preferably two, if you’re zombidextrous).
The National Zombie Apocalypse Survival Conference will teach attendees everything they need to know in order to survive a Zombie Attack. Conferees will be served a partially-cooked luncheon zomburger with red zomatos and a side fruit cup of juicy zomberries.
Robert Cummings (aka Rob Zombie) will of course be the conference’s keynote speaker and also provide some relaxing musical interludes.
West Fargo, ND – The Observer is fearful to report that early Sunday morning at around 3 a.m., a zombie was spotted foot-dragging alongside Interstate 94 in West Fargo. This reporter is absolutely certain that this was, without a doubt, a member of the undead or a “walker” as they are affectionately called. Walkers typically come out of hiding after midnight and during periods of intense weather. Late Saturday night and into Sunday in West Fargo we had a thunderstorm so I took the opportunity to go zombie hunting. What I saw was the stuff of internet legend. A bald, toothy, decaying walker appeared to me in a clearing from the north side of a ditch along the highway. I was only able to snap one photo of the heavy-breathing ghoul before fleeing since I was unable to take the thing down–I had forgotten my crossbow before venturing out! The walker looked to have procured a new t-shirt and jeans somehow (most likely from its last victim) so at first glance it looked like just another drunk human wandering the grass, but upon getting a closer look I now know what I saw. A flesh-hungry zombie.
As far as I know, the creature is still on the loose somewhere in West Fargo. Until the walker is taken out, i’d like to remind everyone to lock your doors at night and if you see a grey shirt/blue jeans-wearing corpse lurking around your home or residence, notify the Observer immediately.