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Timberlake Concert Cancelled, Replaced By Barrel O’ Monkeys

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Tickets too expensive!

Tickets too expensive!

Fargo, ND – The much-anticipated Justin Timberlake concert that was to be held in Fargo in February 2014 has been cancelled due to high ticket prices. Fargodome officials are planning on making the announcement later this week.

The concert, which was to happen on February 7, 2014 at first seemed like a great fit for the Fargo-Moorhead area. “Since most friendly folks here have televisions, they’ve seen Justin Timberlake on various broadcast shows such as Saturday Night Live and feel like they know the guy.” said Greg Chambers of the Fargodome staff.

“When it was announced that the ticket prices were going to cost upwards of $800 per person, our jaws dropped to the floor as our eyes began filling with water. We knew this was going to be a big problem.”

Since North Dakotans are used to paying less than $75 per ticket to see a good performance, they knew a “Plan B” would need to be quickly devised. After much behind-the-curtains scrambling to find a replacement for the Justin Timberlake concert, a suitable alternative has now been found.

Barrel of monkeys

Barrel of monkeys

Miss Wenhoi Gao from Vietnam and her travelling Barrel of Monkeys will be entertaining the crowd on that night. Her agent and husband, Mr. Gao,  commented that “these monkeys very very funny and fun to watch! Miss Gao train monkeys to do many tricks and stunts, whole family will like, you buy ticket and come see!”

Tickets for this great event will be $5 for children, $10 for seasoned citizens, and $15 for adults. Mr. Chambers feels that these prices are much more in-line with the pocketbooks of people from this region. “Would you rather have a few people paying $800 to hear some silly songs or have the Fargodome completely full of people who get to see some monkeys do their thing for an average of $10 per ticket?”

Fargodome Target Of Wacko Protest Group

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You can’t spell Fargodome without ‘God’

Fargo, ND – Well, they’re at it again! The extremist left-wing wackos that tried to ban the Ten Commandments from downtown Fargo are up to another equally fretful plot.

By using powerful empirical logic, these pseudo-Vulcans believe in complete and total separation of church and state as is prescribed by the U.S. Bill Of Rights. Any nano-violation of this cardinal sin is fair game for the omnipresent mental focus of these non-emotional agnostic brainiacs.

The next battle to be fought by the non-profit group known as the Red River Freethinkers will be over the name of the Fargodome. The word “GOD” is curiously placed exactly in the middle of “FARGODOME”  and this is apparently not acceptable, and must be changed, according to the Freethinkers.

A hooded spokesthinker for the shady freethought group explained: “Either the name of the Fargodome needs to be changed or this will make us feel isolated and uncomfortable enough that we will need to perpetually protest this blatant violation of what we think is permissible and non-permissible. We have decided that having the word ‘GOD’ in the middle of the name of a city-owned facility is egregiously offensive within the confines of the freethought dogma perspective.”

Surprised Fargodome officials say that the management group of the building, which was built on university land back in late 1992, has never been aware of the fact that “GOD” clearly sits in the middle of their huge signage. Attorney Steve Reeves declared, “Any reference to a higher power in the building’s name is totally coincidental and should not be interpreted as bridging the separation of religion and government.”

The Freethinkers continue ramping up their plans to protest this new problematic situation which will most likely add to their membership. Ironically, becoming a member of the Freethinkers is not free. The cost to join this band of freethinking practitioners is $15 for a student, $30 for an individual, and $45 for a family.

By keeping their name in the headlines and growing their clout, other issues will be able to be addressed in the future, such as: removing “In God We Trust” from all money, stopping politicians from attending church services, and ending all news coverage of Pope Frank on NPR and Public Television.

One wonders how the Freethinkers will react when they realize what word is in the middle of the name of a popular furniture store in the area: ETHAN ALLEN.