Category Archives: Fashion & Style

Wrap Framed Art To Decorate Your Home For Christmas

caption here

Wrap it up!

North Pole – With the Christmas and Festivus holiday season almost here you probably have all your shopping done, trees decorated, stockings hung up, cards sent out and cookies in the oven.

If you want a fun and easy idea to transform your home into major Christmasland, wrap your hanging framed pictures!

Of course, the back sides don’t need to be wrapped like an actual present, but it certainly changes the feel of any room quickly!

The other nice thing is it covers up pictures that might not be on board with the Christmas holiday theme and the paper can be reused to wrap oxymoronical “future presents”.

This is a wonderful tradition we here at the FM Observer have been doing for hundreds of years after the idea was passed down to us from our progenitors and which we now want to pass on to you and yours.

Lisa Donadio tweeted: “That is SO cute! Thanks for the clever idear.”

Carmen Cook said: “Leave it to the FM Observer to have such great creative holiday decorating tips.”

The best thing about this trick is that it’s such a double whammy: you get rid of the art that is not particularly Christmasy AND you get wrapped presents in its place! It’s easy, affordable, and fun too. Just like drinking eggnog, it really does make things festive.

Mary (and Joseph) Christmas from the FM Observer and hava Happy New Year!

Kate Middleton Deems Dental Hygiene ‘Unpractical’

Kate MiddletonWith curves in the correct places, a beautiful baby and a charming smile, Kate Middleton tops People’s “Top 25 Hot Celeb List,” but her latest input on oral hygiene has left many to ponder upon the British way.

More than a year after giving birth to Prince George of Cambridge (whatever that means), Middleton revealed that she follows the strict British tradition of hardly every brushing her teeth. She claims poor hygienic practices are simply a part of joining the royal family.

“I brush my teeth once every forknight,” Middleton said. “I’m still trying to figure out what a forknight is, but I think its once every three or four nights. William is really the rule-maker around here. If he brushes his teeth, then I’ll join, if not, we go to bed. It’s really very simple and British.”

According to the Royal British Hygienic Code, royal members are only ordained to bath and/or brush every 12 days. The code was established in 1744 by King George III (for reasons yet to be understood by historians) and has been followed (for reasons yet to be understood by anyone) to this day. Royalty remains odorous and questioned by British Parliamentary and citizens alike.

“I love a good queen, I do,” Londoner Tom Blinder said, he did. “But her teef looks like she fell head first into a pile of rubbish.”

Middleton continues to deny the accusations by common folk like Tom Blinder, and seems quite calm regarding her pearly-greys, but the Twitter-verse has certainly taken an interest in the matter. @iMwATCHINGYOU said this:

“Kate is supposed to be the role model for the whole planet. I haven’t brushed my teeth since I saw I selfie of Kate brushing her own, but it’s been nearly 32 years… when can I brush?”

The 32-year-old Duchesses, remaining un-buggered, said only this:

“I’ll admit it, oral hygiene has not been a primary concern of the British people in the last 400 years, and it still isn’t today. So what if our teef are grey and smelly? We invented electricity and baseball. Isn’t that enough?”

Consider Giving Komodo Dragons For Christmas

caption here

Make this the best Christmas ever!

Dragoon, AZ – Are you looking to give your loved ones a Christmas gift to show how much you cherish their existence in your life? Consider giving them a full-grown Komodo Dragon.

Would you like to give your sworn enemies something to scare the shih tzu out of them once and for all? Consider giving them a full-grown Komodo Dragon.

Have you been looking for a solution to the barking little dog problem next door? Consider releasing a full-grown Komodo Dragon into their fenced-in back yard.

If you’re a lizardophile and like things large, the Komodo Dragon is unparalleled in the large lizard category.

With some growing up to ten feet long, just imagine the reaction you’ll get when you chase down Mr. Road Rager who flipped you off at the last intersection and who now gets to meet your 200 pound pet.

For a nice side income, consider breeding the Komodo Dragons and selling their young. The normal life span of these prehistoric creatures is about 30 years so there’s a lot of time to get attached to these fun carnivores who can swallow a goat in about fifteen minutes.

Downtown Project Seeks To Turn Street Vomit Into Barf Art

Barf Art

Downtown Fargo Barf Art

Fargo, ND – The growing problem of vomit in the streets of downtown Fargo due to late-night binge drinkers has had city leaders’ stomachs churning for some time. However, a local group of forward-thinkers believe they have the solution: Barf Art.

With a project dubbed, “Regurgitation Appreciation: Let People Hurl”, or RALPH, the group proposes that downtown streets and sidewalks be covered in large white sheets of paper which people can barf all over, Jackson Pollock-style. The paper will then be collected, dried, framed, and put up for auction.

Proceeds from the Barf Art sales will likely benefit someone, but those details have yet to be released.

“Great art always elicits an emotional response,” explains project leader Chuck Upton. “Based on that idea, we think these pieces will be appropriately viewed as brilliant. For collectors in search of a statement piece, Barf Art will be organic and bold, yet intensely intimate. Struggling to find a gift for the person who has everything? Well, guess what? They don’t have Barf Art.”

Downtown bars and restaurants are being encouraged to contribute to the RALPH project by offering happy hour specials on drinks made with colorful liquors. Raspberry Kamikazes and Blue Hawaiians create drama and vibrancy in the art, while Bailey’s Irish Cream drinks add a subtle earthiness.

Free bar snacks, such as peanuts, pretzels, or chips and salsa will also be welcomed for their texture-rich qualities.

“We still have a few logistical snags to work out, but overall we’re super excited about the RALPH project,” raved Upton. “Our hope is that someday people all over the world will see barf on a wall and just know immediately…It’s Downtown Fargo!”

New Green Shoes Designed To Lessen Carbon Footprints

New shoes scientifically designed to save the planet

New shoes scientifically designed to save the planet

Greenspring, PA – The Federal Government, secretly working in conjunction with Algore, has designed a new Green Shoe to help lessen each person’s carbon footprints.

Here are some important facts you need to know about Algore’s New Green Shoes:

  • Scientifically designed by Algore to reduce carbon footprints
  • Guaranteed to save Planet Earth from Global Warming
  • Wearing these shoes will show you care about important issues
  • Styled for both men, women, and transexuals
  • One size fits all
  • All shoes are either made in America or China
  • No persons with Ebola have touched these shoes
  • Price per pair is $200 for Democratics and Independents
  • Price per pair is $350 for rich Republicans
  • Mandatory purchase date is January 1, 2017
  • Sign up for your pair at Healthcare.Gov to avoid stiff penalties

Woman Denies Ring, Wants Something Shinier

ringMinneapolis, MN — Lucy Bricklow of Minneapolis rejected her would-be fiancé’s proposal claiming the 57 thousand dollar, 3.06 carat diamond engagement just wasn’t shiny enough to woo her.

Bricklow, hailing from the prestigious Minnetonka lakes area, said even though her boyfriend is still paying off college debt by working at Arby’s, the ring wasn’t shiny or expensive enough to keep her interested. The pair is undergoing couples’ counseling, but hasn’t found a solution to their problem.

“I just don’t know what else I can do,” said boyfriend Melvin Ruetgers. “I’ve been working my ass off since high school to pay for this ring. If this isn’t shiny or expensive enough, then I don’t know what is.”

Bricklow insists she made it clear from day on of the relationship that she wouldn’t settle for anything less than a 3.1 carat ring, but Ruetgers thought otherwise.

“I thought once she saw the ring I bought her should would be blown away,” he said. “But apparently she is looking for something worth more than two years of my salary.”

Both grew up in Minnetonka, a wealthy suburb of the Twin Cities, but while Bricklow enjoyed a beautiful house on the lake, Ruetgers started working at an early age to put himself through college. Ruetgers insists that the ring cleaned out his entire life savings, but Bricklow believes he should have done better.

“There are things shinier than diamonds,” she said. “I’ve seen the movies. He could have bought a ring set with Unobtainium or Arkenstone. Literally, when I looked at the ring I thought ‘this literally isn’t shiny enough to make me say yes.'”

While Ruetgers argued that diamond is “literally” the shiniest material on planet Earth, Bricklow refused to believe it, and “literally” threatened to unload his ass.

“I have worked too hard to make him propose to me,” Bricklow said. “I put my make up on one layer at a time like every other woman. By the time I get it all on, I’m exhausted and all I want is to drink a couple bottles of wine and relax for the night — but then, my boyfriend lays this crap on me. It’s like, what the hell Melvin? I just wish you would apply yourself.”

Despite recent turbulence the couple has remained together, citing a deep foundation as their key to success.

“Lucy is just so nice and down-to-earth,” Ruetgers said. “I couldn’t imagine a day without her freshly bronzed face beating down on mine. Honestly, I think the UV rays from her daily tanning sessions make me tanner too, and I thank her every day for that.”

Bricklow had similar comments, but with a completely opposite message through an unbearably sarcastic tone. Between complaints, she had a few nice things to say.

“Me and Melv have been going out for a long time,” she said.


Critics Argue Federal Prisons Too Comfortable

New federal prison cells said to be too comfortable.

Federal prison cells said to be too comfortable.

Fedhaven, FL – The Federal Bureau of Prisons is under fire for making some of their newest prisons “too comfortable”. A few congressional critics are wondering how the so-called “country club prisons” have started to look more like five-star hotel rooms?

These white-collar Federal Correction Institutions (also sometimes referred to as Club Fed) have housed such infamous convicted criminals as Martha Stewart and Bernie Madoff. In fact, some believe that Martha Stewart is the person most responsible for sparking the tasteful changes that we see today.

Some of the prison cells being criticized have king-sized beds and private on-suite deluxe bathrooms. The Bureau of Prisons defends their actions by stating that their prime directive is to provide guests with safe and humane housing that reflects their core values which are: correctional excellence, respect, and integrity.

[polldaddy poll=8000594]

New Luxury Apartment Complex Resembles Stairs

New modern apartment complex built to resemble a flight of stairs.

Modern new apartment complex in Dubai built to resemble an actual flight of stairs.

Dubai, United Arab Emirates – In the city where architectural rules are regularly being broken and rewritten, Dubai has now introduced yet another new trick.

Luxury apartments known as the “Stairway To Heaven” are now being built in a tiered-fashion to look just like a flight of stairs.

The architect who first came up with the idea is Shimo Zukushichi, the head of Zukushichi Architectural Productions (ZAP).

Shimo says the idea zapped him while he was walking up a flight of stairs in a New York hospital during one of his many recent detox sessions.

During a special moment, Shimo asked himself: “What if we built luxury living spaces like steps, where one person’s large patio deckage was another person’s roof?”

Inside view of the "Stairway To Heaven".

Inside view of the “Stairway To Heaven”.

President of Interiors By Dame, Dame Chambers, says: “The interiors are absolutely exquisite–very Trumpesque. Plus, each patio area can double as a helipad for easy walk-in access to your ‘Step’. Shimo and his people at ZAP should be very proud of themselves.”

Shimo says the price-point for the “Stairway To Heaven” Steps will be in the $20-$25 million range. After the “Stairway To Heaven” project has been completed, Zukushichi Architectural Productions is planning future projects that looks like a coffee table, a chair, and a pizza.

Mom Jeans

Summer Fashion Tips

Fargo, ND – Summer is right around the corner.  Are you aware of what you wear?  Do you know what’s ‘IN’ as far as fashion goes?  Follow these summer fashion tips and you will feel too cool for school.  You will be the person people flock to everyday just so they can bask in your presence and awesome hip fashion prowess.


1. Jean Shorts or ‘Jorts’


Mens Jean Shorts - Jorts

You think these are just for children, NASCAR fans or old dads?  Wrong!  Having a few pairs of these in your wardrobe is a must.

**A braided leather belt compliments these very well.

**Favorite past time is drinking copious amounts of alcohol while only wearing these.

**If bleach or chlorine happens to fall on them, leave it.  You just transformed them into cool acid wash jeans which are so in.

**Wearing sandals with socks is a perfect complement to jorts.


2. Mom Jeans

Mom Jeans

These were cool before the ‘Pink’ brand started being plastered on young and middle aged women’s butts.  Mom jeans in the rear represent an upside down heart shape.  Now if that doesn’t make your ass hot I don’t know what will.

They also sometimes cover that unsightly belly button of yours.  They must be worn half way up your stomach for this fashion champion to make a big impression.

**Old and vibrant Christmas sweater goes well with these jeans.

**Multicolored long sleeve shirt that you knitted yourself also complements these jeans very very well.

SNL said it best. “For this Mother’s Day, don’t give Mom that bottle of perfume. Give her something that says, ‘I’m not a woman anymore…I’m a mom!’ ”  That’s right, get her mom jeans.


3. V-necks

Deep V-Neck

**STOP**  Be careful when choosing to wear this glorious summer fashion attire.  You must ask yourself a couple questions before going out in public wearing one these.

The first question is, “Is it low enough?”  If it isn’t down to your belly button, don’t bother wearing one.  Chicks love chest hair ending with a belly button all in a shape of a V going down a man’s body.  The second question you must ask yourself is, “Can I get into this shirt by jumping into the air like a newly born gazelle?”  If you can’t, don’t bother wearing this shirt.

This shirt is reserved for the super cool, hip, trendy, and in-style people.  If you can’t do the two questions above successfully then you are not that guy.


4.  Shoulder Pads

Shoulder Pads 80's fashion

Some some people say this was one of if not the worst fashion trend of the 80’s.  I think that is nonsense.  These actually served a function and that was to protect your burly women shoulders from a possible attack from a bad guy.  They also serve to protect the shoulder when you need to do a running tackle to save a man or woman from getting hit by a car or train.  Many women in the 80’s did just that and became national heroes.

You know what wearing shoulder pads also means?  That you are a woman and you kick fucking ass!


5.  Flip Flops with Socks or ‘Smandals’

flip flop and socks or ninja

This is a very versatile combo much like that of hiking shoes.  You get the coolness factor of “Hey dude, I’m hip and from the beach” with the sandals but you also get the “I’m ready to put on any other shoes at any given moment for any given occasion.  I’m that resourceful.”  And last but not least, when you take the flip flops off, you can always look like that one-toed ninja you always wanted to be.

For example, socks with flip flops gives you the cool breeze of the wind yet without showing your mangled feet whose nails haven’t been cut in months.  Take the sandals off and you can put on a pair of running shoes and stop that thief you just saw stealing grandma’s purse.

*Again, these go very well with jean shorts.


There you have it.  I hope these five but very effective summer fashion tips were helpful for you.  I hope to see you out in the sun in some jean shorts, a kick ass vneck with shoulder pads, and some flip flops with socks.

Gay Love Donkeys To Be Married

Gay Love Donkeys

Gay Love Donkeys

Fargo, ND – A couple of gay Love Donkeys will soon “tie the knot” at the local zoo. It’s believed to be the first known pair of gay Love Donkeys in captivity to be married within the confines of a zoo-type environment.

Rev. Matt Tramoni, the zoo pastor, says he believes we’ll be seeing more and more of this type of thing. “Now that gay marriage amongst zoo animals has been legalized under a new federal law, I believe this could be just the tip of the iceberg”, says Pastor Matt.

The zoo trainer admits that the donkeys, Carlton and Cortez, have been life-mates ever since they moved to this zoo. “Even though they couldn’t make it official up until now”, explains Julie Whitebear, “these two have been a paragon of matrimony in all facets of their beautiful donkeyed relationship.”

Apparently, they’re planning on having a private ceremony in the zoo chapel. However, a public reception is being planned for the Spring. Carlton and Cortez are registered at all the top shops. They particularly like sweet snacks and colorful clothing.