Tag Archives: downtown fargo

Fargo Man Impaled By Large Icicle Doesn’t Notice It Until He Gets Home To His Wife

Those large high-hanging icicles can become quite a headache!

Fargo, ND Yes, it’s that dangerous time of the year once again when large icicles are precariously hanging high above the Downtown Fargo sidewalks.

Such was the case when Mr. Ace Leidich slowly sauntered along while unknowingly entering a red-zone area with very large icicles hanging from the rooftop sixty four feet up.

Unfortunately for Ace, one of the larger and more pointed icicles suddenly broke off as he was almost directly below it.

After a two second drop, the rather large icicle got stuck in the head of Mr. Ace Leidich.

Of course, being North Dakota tough, Ace did not realize he had an icicle stuck is his head until he got home, where Mrs. Leidich casually asked about it.

Pointedly, all of the letters in “Ace Leidich” can be melted down into spelling: Icicle Head!

People’s Militia Group Votes On Proper Punishment For Downtown Fargo Jaywalkers

Unanimous vote for the death penalty to any jaywalkers in Downtown Fargo.

Fargo, ND – The People’s Militia Group which oversees the Fargo area, unanimously voted at their latest meeting for all Downtown Fargo jaywalkers to receive the death penalty.

The head of the People’s Militia Group is Janik Longway who firmly said: “Since jaywalking is a heinously problematic crime in the Downtown Fargo area, we solemnly recommend the death penalty for any and all jaywalkers.”

“Also, we strongly believe that anyone caught with a parked car on the streets of Fargo after four or more inches of snow has fallen should also receive the death penalty after their car has been quickly compacted into a small, stackable, one foot cube for easy removal.”

If you have a differing opinion on these matters, you’re invited to speak out against them at the next meeting of the People’s Militia Group.

Punishingly, all of the letters in Janik Longway can be re-arranged into: No Jaywalking!

Clown Parade Coming To Downtown Fargo :o)

Hey, you can totally trust me! I’m just a nice friendly old scary clown!

Fargo, ND – Downtown Fargo will soon be invaded by thousands of clowns from across the country.

Many clowns will be descending on Clowntown Fargo because it’s the next site of the annual national Clown Parade.

Despite the fact that clowns have gotten more and more scary during the past few decades, some children are still attracted to clown parades, mainly for all the free candy.

But, how much can you really trust freek candy from a scary clown in a clown parade in Downclown Fargo?

Watch your local news for informational updates on the upcoming Clown Parade in Clowntown Fargo.

Or, if you need immediate assistance, please visit any of the local clowns currently living under the bridge over troubled waters down near Downclown Fargo.

Cooking Corner: How To Cook A Caged Pigeon

“The only thing better than cooking one caged pigeon is cooking two caged pigeons.” –Ped Gascoigne

Fargone, ND – Today in our Cooking Corner, we are interviewing Mr. Ped Gascoigne, who is opening a new restaurant in Downtown Fargo called The Squab House.

Since Mr. Gascoigne specializes in roasting caged pigeons, we’re going to find out from Ped exactly how to properly roast a caged pigeon.

Mr. Ped Gascoigne in his own words:

The pigeon is a stout-bodied bird with a rather short neck, so I recommend two caged pigeons per person, just to be safe.

After plucking and dressing your caged pigeons, preheat the oven to 500°F, or 260°C, or 533°K.

Paint the caged pigeons with some smidgens of melted butter. Then salt and sear the caged pigeons in a hot pan big enough for two plucked pigeons.

Once half cooked, pop the half-baked salty seared caged pigeons into the preheated oven for 10 minutes, breast side up.

Then remove the formerly caged pigeons from the oven and let them rest for five minutes before garnishing them with some chopped parsley.

Serve with a medium-bodied pinot noir or a stout-bodied pale ale. Enjoy!

Editor’s Note: You can procure good caged pigeons from any certifiable pigeon farmer in your area.

Interestingly, all of the letters in Ped Gascoigne can be re-arranged to spell: Caged Pigeons!

Iconic Downtown Fargo Theater To Be Converted Into Condos

The Fargo Theater sign will happily remain but the theater will sadly become condos.

Fargo, ND – The famous Fargo Theater in Downtown Fargo will soon be turned into unique upper-floor condos while the valuable ground level space will serve as much-needed parking for its residents.

The iconic Fargo sign and the large theater marquee, which have recently become the symbol for the City of Fargo, will remain as a historical reminder of its past glory.

“Because of Netflix, people just don’t go out to see a movie like in the old days,” says Dr. Sagendorf Toothacre who is heading up this somewhat controversial transitional downtown project.

Dr. Toochacre says many of the items from the old theater will be auctioned off or somehow recycled.

The organ pipes will be turned into different sized bird houses, while the beautiful stage curtains will be made into couch pillows and sold at auction to raise money for Global Warming.

Ironically, all of the letters in Sagendorf Toothacre can be converted into: Fargo Theater Condos!

New Fargo Bar/Lounge Called ‘The Peachflame’ To Exclusively Cater To Weird People

Calling all weird-ohs: Welcome to The Peachflame!

Downtown Fargo, ND – A 52nd liquor license has been granted for Downtown Fargo.

Proprietor Elwood Wierschem is planning on opening The Peachflame which will specifically cater to bona fide weird-ohs.

Mr. Wierschem in his own words: “If you’re truly a weird-oh in any sense of the word, then you are welcome at The Peachflame.

“And believe you me, you will feel very comfortable sipping your weird drinks amongst all the other weird-ohs who tend to congregate in the Downtown Fargo area.”

Weirdly, all the letters in Elwood Wierschem can somehow be re-arranged to spell: Weird Ohs Welcome!

Hip Downtown Fargo Condos With Sheek New ‘Dilapidated’ Exterior Now For Sale

You can’t judge a book by its cover.

Fargo, ND – If you’re looking for a cool, new flat in happening Downtown Fargo that’s super hip and trendy, the new high-end condos by Dilapidated Design are hopefully going to sell very quickly.

“Even though the outside has that sheek, new ‘dilapidated look’, the insides are anything but,” says Brigitte Margaux, who manages the expensive property.

Condo prices for the new Dilapidated Design units start at $3.8 million.

If you’re wondering about parking, no worries because Downtown Fargo has plenty of parking (POP). Just make sure you don’t park for more than 90 minutes in any one spot otherwise you’ll get ticketed at best and towed at worst.

To schedule a showing, simply call Brigitte Margaux at Dilapidated Design by dialing 666-6666, and use promotion code: Sheek!

Downtown Fargo Adding Another Bar In An Attempt To Increase Crime And Number Of Drunks

Downtown Fargo needs more bars to truly be considered a bona fide Drunkfest.

Fargo, ND – As if there wasn’t already enough crime and drunks in the Downtown Fargo area, the addition of a new bar should get those social parameters up to acceptable levels.

Instead of adding much-needed parking spaces, the presence of a brand new bar called Cobweb Jocks will provide Downtown Fargo with the amount of crime and number of drunks it seeks to become a world-class party locale.

“Just like going to a hockey game, what people enjoy the most is seeing drunken fights late at night,” says one late-night bloody-nosed drunk guy who just got done being in a fight.

Coupled with the fact that the Fargo Police headquarters is being relocated from Downtown Fargo to two miles west, people who have chosen to live in Downtown Fargo will soon be nicely surprised by the additional amount of exciting late-night activity happening in their hip-hop hot spot.

Musician “Flips The Bird” To Fargo Crowd While Suppposedly Trying To Play The F-Chord

Playing the F-chord is justifiable way of flipping the bird while maintaining plausible deniability.

Fargo, ND Some surprised listeners in the crowd of a small Fargo bar got upset when the solo musician performing on stage repeatedly gave them the middle finger during her show.

To be fair, some hecklers had been yelling out that the music at the relatively small venue was too loud for the space and had been asking for the volume to be turned down.

After the musician tried explaining that what may have appeared to be “flipping the bird” was simply her trying to play the F-chord on the guitar, some of the bar patrons took that to be a stealth reference to getting the F-bomb.

How do you feel about this? Was the crowd being too sensitive? Do you like loud music in small bars? If the musician was flipping off the crowd, was it justified? Were you aware that the F-chord is now a secret new F-bomb?

Fargo Civic Center Purchased By Tom Cruise/Scientology

The Fargo Civic Center will soon become The Fargo Scientology Center

Fargo, ND – While Fargo city leaders were wondering what to do with the aging Fargo Civic Center, Scientology’s Tom Cruise made them an offer too good to pass up.

The Fargo Civic Center will be transitioned into The Fargo Scientology Center and become the living, breathing regional headquarters for hundreds of Scientology cult members to recruit more Scientologists to help recruit more Scientologists.

Tom Cruise believes this is truly a win/win scenario:

Fargo leaders are happy to finally get rid of the old Fargo Civic Center for a healthy price of two hundred million dollars.

The ghost of L. Ron Hubbard is happy because now his cult members can rid Planet Earth of all negativity and psychiatry, especially in the Fargo-Moorhead area.