Tag Archives: fargo police

Fargo Police Add New Dog That Can Detect Weird Activity

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You can’t hide any weirdness from K-9 Tweek.

Fargo, ND – A new dog is being added to the K-9 team of the Fargo Police Department.

Tweek is his name and detecting weirdness is his claim to fame.

K–9 Tweek is trained to sniff out any and all types of weird activities and people.

If you are exhibiting any form of weirdness, Tweek will quickly and easily point that out to his handler.

In a situation where multiple weirdnesses are occurring, Tweek is trained to signal which is the most weird.

Besides being trained to sense anyone acting weird, Fargo’s new K-9 unit is also trained to give an alert signal for any activities that might be considered at all strange, unusual, odd, different, abnormal, kooky, freaky, and peculiar.

Car Full Of Dogs Pulled Over For Excessive Number Of Lane Changes

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Friendly car full of dogs given a warning for excessive number of lane changes.

Fargo, ND – What started out as a fairly routine traffic stop ended up anything but.

Officer Glasford Fulco pulled over a tan-colored Dog Caravan after noticing a number of seemingly unnecessary lane changes.

Upon approaching the vehicle, Officer Fulco was rather surprised to be greeted and licked by a car full of dogs.

Seeing no human driver, Glasford asked for a driver’s license of whichever dog had been driving.

Seeming to want to fully cooperate but unable to because of the extreme language barrier, Officer Fulco cited the entire car for excessive lane changes and simply a warning to the elder dog for not having proper paperwork.

Doggedly, all of the letters in Glasford Fulco can be re-arranged to spell: Car Full Of Dogs!

Downtown Fargo Adding Another Bar In An Attempt To Increase Crime And Number Of Drunks

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Downtown Fargo needs more bars to truly be considered a bona fide Drunkfest.

Fargo, ND – As if there wasn’t already enough crime and drunks in the Downtown Fargo area, the addition of a new bar should get those social parameters up to acceptable levels.

Instead of adding much-needed parking spaces, the presence of a brand new bar called Cobweb Jocks will provide Downtown Fargo with the amount of crime and number of drunks it seeks to become a world-class party locale.

“Just like going to a hockey game, what people enjoy the most is seeing drunken fights late at night,” says one late-night bloody-nosed drunk guy who just got done being in a fight.

Coupled with the fact that the Fargo Police headquarters is being relocated from Downtown Fargo to two miles west, people who have chosen to live in Downtown Fargo will soon be nicely surprised by the additional amount of exciting late-night activity happening in their hip-hop hot spot.

Man Tries To Rob Convenience Store For A Pack Of Cigarettes Using Only A Pillow

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This is the pillow that was used to try to rob a convenience store for a pack of cigarettes.

Fargo, ND – Henry Doofus was booked on charges of felonious attempted robbery after he tried to rob a convenience store while only carrying a pillow as a weapon.

The store clerk, Richard Stonewall, at first thought it was a big joke when Mr. Doofus demanded a pack of Marlboro Light 100s while threatening to hit the clerk with the pillow.

Once it was determined that this was certainly not a joke, Richard Stonewall pulled out a large baseball bat (after pressing the police emergency call button) and then began to soundly pummel Henry Doofus until the police showed up.

Police officers on the scene found a bloodied Doofus on the floor and then carefully placed the pillow into a clear plastic bag as evidence.

Attorneys for the convenience store will be seeking a life sentence for Henry Doofus just to send a message to future potential would-be doofuses, however, they are in favor of the Doofmeister having his pillow in prison upon which to sleep and dream about that pack of Marlboro Light 100s.

Fargo Downtowner Arrested For Repeated Dawdlings

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Man arrested in Fargo for dawdling. So, when in doubt, do not dawdle.

Fargo, ND – Nyork Slocco, who calls the general downtown Fargo area his home, was arrested by police for “dawdling“.

“No man! You got it all wrong. I was in no way dawdling! Dallying a bit maybe, yes, but deafinitely not dawdling,” says an adamant Slocco.

The arresting police officer added that there might have also been some “puttering” going on too.

Officer J.J. Haskins: “I first tried to suggest that this person just ‘mosey along‘. Dude, please, just meander off in one continuous direction for about a block. Even a slight ‘sashay‘ would have been good enough.”

But what the police officer got instead was an “ambling about” that closely resembled the earlier dawdling, or what the wine-drinking French sometimes loosely refer to as “coqueting“.

After Mr. Slocco was put into jail, correctional staff officers reported Nyork to be “skulking” in his cell.

While sauntering down to the refectory, Nyork Slocco saw a sign on the wall that read: “Learn to be civil. Stop with the frivol.”

Unofficial moral of the story: No matter your lot in life, a healthy vocabulary of synonyms can help you get a lot more out of your life and also into a lot more trouble.

Official moral of the story: Don’t Dawdle In Downtown Fargo.

FM Area To Begin Spraying For Gadflies

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Fargo Vector Control to uphold their Socratic oath by spraying for gadflies this spring/summer.

Fargo, ND – Aerial sprayers working in conjunction with NDSU bugologists will be taking their fight to the gadfly population this summer, along with the other usual suspects: mosquitoes.

The gadfly (pronounced: gad-fly), which has been a problem since Greek times, is usually only a nuisance to livestock by biting them repeatedly until they start to totally freak out and until the livestock can no longer function normally.

However, sometimes insective gadflies can affect the human population in a very similar manner.

As Socrates once demonstrated, in some cases, a pestive gadfly can annoy and provoke humans into action by constant biting criticism.

A human gadfly is one who upsets societal normality by posing condescending questions that are intended to promote anarchy in the name of progressive liberalism.

Luckily, the Gadfly Police will be out in force also trying to rid Fargo of the human gadfly population.

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Todd Fox Arrested For Evading Police Officers

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fargo policeFargo, ND – Todd Fox who was just recently arrested for Flash-Frying Entire Cow, and before that, Arrested For Clearing Snow With Flamethrower, is in the news yet again.  This time for evading police officers.

Earlier this evening, Fargo police officer Eugene Stanley had Todd Fox pulled over for unpaid parking tickets.  Fifty-two to be exact as it’s apparent, Todd Fox does not care about parking tickets.

As Mr. Stanley was approaching the vehicle, he stated Todd Fox, “took off like Michael Schumacher in a Formula One Grand Prix.  I mean, he hit the pedal hard.”

Mr. Stanley got in his vehicle and pursued Fox all over downtown Fargo.  Speeds are said to have reached 35 miles an hour.

“He just kept driving like we were not even there.  Blatantly ignoring us pretty much.  He even waved at a few bicyclists.”

Todd Fox was able to evade police temporarily as you can see in the video below.  The pursuit was caught on a security camera which was positioned on the side of a building downtown.

Todd Fox police pursuit

Fox was finally arrested later in the day and stated he was simply, “on my way to pay my parking tickets.”

Help Fargo Police Investigate Convenience Store Robbery

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Whodunnit?

Fargo, ND – During a recent police investigation, Chief Inspector Ripley interviewed five possible suspects in the robbery of a local Kum & Go convenience store.

One fact that was known for certain: each suspect was telling exactly one lie.

From their statements below, can you use the power of deductive logical thinking to help the police investigators determine which suspect robbed the Kum & Go?

Here are the statements from the five suspects:

Angel said: It wasn’t Elizabeth. It was Brandi.
Brandi said: It wasn’t Cheri. It wasn’t Elizabeth.
Cheri said: It was Elizabeth. It wasn’t Angel.
Dolly said: It was Cheri. It was Brandi.
Elizabeth said: It was Dolly. It wasn’t Angel.

Anyone who submits the correct answer might be entered into a fairly random drawing to possibly win either a $5 gift certificate to Kum & Go, or win a frozen box of Philly Steak* Hot Pockets.

Good luck and thank you for assisting local crime-fighters in solving yet another in a long series of convenience store burglaries.

*Nestlé USA, the company that produces Hot Pockets, announced last week that it is voluntarily recalling an unspecified number of ”Philly Steak” and ”Croissant Crust Philly Steak and Cheese” Hot Pockets in certain sizes as part of a larger meat recall.

Hint to solving the crime: Only one of Brandi’s statements is true.

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Cops Leave Hostage Situation To Bust NDSU College Party.

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Fargo, ND – At around 12 a.m. Saturday evening, police were called to a home on N Broadway Dr & 20th Ave N with reports of a hostage situation.  Police arrived on scene to find a man holding his girlfriend hostage inside the house.  He had a gun and a steak knife to her throat threatening to kill her and the police.  For a whole 5 minutes, police tried to talk to the man calmly and to let the women go.

10 minutes later and without success, a report came in about a NDSU college party a few blocks away.  Considering the college party was a much more serious threat, police left the hostage situation and surrounded the young partying men and women with guns drawn.

Those arrested face charges including unlawful assembly, disorderly conduct, and inciting a riot, cops said.  One partier was shot dead while trying to enter a taxi cab to leave.

No word on what happened to the man holding his girlfriend hostage but it is being reported that the women has been missing now for a few weeks.  Nobody knows what could have happened to her.  The boyfriend simply says, “I don’t know.”