Hey buddy, do you mind if I borrow your toogit? What the hell did you just ask me?!
Fargo, ND – In what could have been because of a possible misunderstanding, a bar fight broke out last night in a downtown Fargo bar after one man seemingly innocently asked a stranger if he could borrow the other man’s toogit.
Things quickly escalated to the point where push came to shove followed by the obligatory punches to the face.
Police officers on the scene talking to eye-witnesses later determined that the whole thing started due to a simple lack of understanding regarding what is a toogit.
Misunderstanding quickly escalated to perceived disrespect followed by the obligatory pummeling all because of a toogit.
Jack Nicholson is The Shining example of what an actor should be like.
Fargo, ND – Actor Jack of the Nicholson clan plans to open a new bar in renascent downtown Fargo called The Cuckoo’s Nest.
Not only does Jack Nicholson plan on opening a state-of-the-art bar in Fargo, but he also plans on spending a lot of time there visiting with Fargo locals who also enjoy sipping adult beverages because Jack has also just announced his intentions to permanently move to Fargo, the place of his childhood birth.
“Since I was born in Fargo at a very young age, this is from where I would like to enter heaven at a very old age,” says the actor who’s won an Oscar for three different films including One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest.
All females servers in The Cuckoo’s Nest will dress like Nurse Ratched and a large sign on the wall will remind patrons: “If you don’t want to take your medication orally, I’m sure we can arrange for you to have it some other way.”
FM Observer: “So just one final question for you Mr. Nicholson: What’s the main reason you want to finally retire from acting and move to Fargo and start taking it easy…just hanging out at The Cuckoo’s Nest?”
Jack Nicholson: “You want answers? You want answers? I’ll answer the question! Because all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.”
Buck McRoyster here gearing up his horse Trigger in Downtown Fargo’s new Lariat Bar & Horse Hotel.
Fargo, ND – With an increasing number of cowboy customers riding horseback due to Global Warming, Downtown Fargo will soon have a new restaurant/bar which will also provide an old-fashioned stables to hold your horses in comfort while the cowboys hava shot of whiskey and an Old West-style meal while their horses get fed, bathed, and groomed by friendly equinologists from the NDSU extension agency as a way of earning credits towards their degree in Horse Park Management Services.
The owner/manager of the new Lariat Bar & Restaurant & Stables is Buck McRoyster who sees his place filling a much needed niche in today’s green society.
“Yeah, like, if you are riding horse and want to stop by for a good meal and maby a bier or two, there just ain’t a lot of places you can go these daze that can accommodate a horse like my Trigger here,” Buck says.
“The Lariat should be quite popular with all the old time cowboys who still ride with pride, doyanowhatimsayn?”
Cowboy McRoyster also mentioned to us that they may eventually add a nice hotel and Massage Parlor.
It was a rainy dark night. I opened the bright bar doors. Both had a green and red neon sign on it.
I walked in and sat at the bar. The table was sticky and smelled of stale beer. Luckily the bar stool had a back to it considering the day I had. I was sore.
I got the bartender’s attention and ordered a tall beer. Took a gulp of it right away. Boy was it good.
There was a band playing in the dimly lit corner. A slender fellow with a harmonica in his hand. His music was very soothing.
After watching and listening to the music for a while, seven beers and a shot later to be exact, I started to doze off. One second I heard the harmonica off in the distance, the next I hear the sound of waves crashing. I was at a beach god knows where. The water was crystal clear. I had to go into it. I walked slowly into the ocean until the water was up to my belly button. Getting my shorts entirely wet.
That’s when I awoke and realized I pissed myself in front of everyone.
Dumb ass immediately arrested after walk up drug sale attempt
Fargo, ND – An Otsego, MN man was arrested last night after propositioning a cocaine deal to what was quite obviously an off-duty cop. The lieutenant wore street clothes that comprised a textbook undercover cop look: huge moustache, leather jacket, slightly balding with an ice cold stare. The perpetrator allegedly approached this cop-looking fella to ask him if he wanted to purchase some “blow” from him. What kind of idiot do you have to be to try to sell cocaine to THIS guy? As soon as the Observer gets their prison interview with this dope-slinging dope from Otsego, we’ll tell you.