Algore’s Climate Reality Project being tested in Fargo, North Dakota.
Fargo, ND – If you notice some major swings in temperature, humidity, and weather happenings around Fargo-Moorhead in the next few years, it will most likely be related to Algore.
His new Climate Reality Project is being tested in Fargo, North Dakota because of the “relatively sparse rural population” and its “geo-centrical location on our sick continent.”
Algore: “For all you folks up there in Fargo, North Dakota…so now, if you experience some major gyrations in temperature and weather in general, please report it to my Climate Reality Project team for documentational purposes.”
Previously, Algore used Denver, Colorado as an example of a larger metropolitan area where Algore personally got Denver’s average high temperature during the month of August up to a steamy 90°F.
The goose population is arguing amongst themselves as to which direction to fly.
Goose Village, Nebraska – Wildlife biologists are noticing confusion amongst the migrating goose population.
Professional bird watchers are observing that migrating geese seem “very confused” as to which direction to fly for their annual migration to Spring break.
Biologist Sue Coons-Fodge says: “We believe that the combination of Global Warming and Global Cooling is creating a major bombogenesis which is causing some serious disorientation for these poor little geese.”
Sue goes on: “Hopefully they’ll get it all figured out in time to travel North, where they can party, and have sex, in order to hatch more future confusion.”
Predictably, all the letters in Sue Coons-Fodge can migrate into: Confused Goose!
Polar bear enters North Fargo grocery store in search of food.
North Fargo, ND – In what authorities are describing as a very rare occurrence, a hungry large polar bear wandered into a grocery store in North Fargo.
It is believed that some of these arctic carnivores are being driven South to find food because of Global Melting.
Security video cameras recorded the half ton polar bear entering the back door of the grocery store around midnight.
Polar bear ends up in the canned meats aisle.
Meat manager Branden Caporale said the white polar bear went straight to the fresh fish section after eating a few rare steaks.
Luckily, a pair of off-duty police officers had their tazers handy and the polar bear was able to be eventually detained with two pairs of extra-large handcuffs.
When asked what ever became of the polar bear, Mr. Caporale said that a joint decision was made to offer their customers a limited-time offer of fresh canned polar bear meat, which they can find in the canned meats aisle, right next to the sardines.
Ironically, all of the letters in Branden Caporale can be re-arranged to spell: Canned Polar Bear!
It is best to not piss off the Godfather of Global Climate Change.
Devils Lake, ND – The Godfather of Global Warming has decided to punish the northern half of MegaKota by routing the icy Polar Vortex back into our entire region.
FMO: “Algore, why did you decide to blast Northern Megakota with a mega-dose of bone chilling Arctic air?”
Algore: “Well, now, I will tell you why. So, sometimes we have to use a carrot and/or a stick. Because of all the terrible horizontal fracking that’s been going on, which I have said is a big No-No, North Dakota needs a strong dis-incentive to not continue with this naughty practice.”
During the near foreseeable future, concerned weatherologists are warning that Global Cooling will be moving in, much like a prolonged uncomfortable visit from your in-laws.
Hurricane Limbaugh has its eye on the mainstream media.
Palm Beach, FL – After Rush Limbaugh suggested that Hurricane Irma is merely a liberal hoax, Hurricane Limbaugh suddenly popped up in its place and is expected to stir things up on the mainland.
Obviously caused by climate change, which is caused by global warming, which is caused by fracking, Hurricane Limbaugh is on track to make landfall in the Palm Beach area, right where the Doctor of Democracy has his home base.
Hurricane Limbaugh is expected to wreak major havoc, just as Rush has been doing with his strong-winded criticisms of liberal ‘Democratics’ for three long decades.
Characteristics of Hurricane Limbaugh include: Very low pressure, an expansively large circulation, a calm and warm center, a strong force going outward in all directions, and many topical disturbances on a daily basis.
Yes, it’s true. Delaware has broken free from the United States mainland is now floating toward Antarctica.
Dover, Delaware – The entire state of Delaware has somehow broken off from the North American mainland just like an iceberg.
Delaware, along with everyone on it, is now adrift out in the cold Atlantic Ocean.
There are some fears that it could eventually collide (and collude) with a new large Antarctica iceberg which is also the size of Delaware and crawling with hungry polar bears that haven’t eaten for a month.
Possible reasons for Delaware breaking free from the United States include: 1. Climate Change, 2. Global Fracking, 3. Russian Hacking, and/or 4. Political Correctness Pressure to secede from the country before California does.
With Delaware now completely gonzo, the neighboring states of Maryland, Pennsylvania, and New Jersey are way more vulnerable to oceanic erosion and inland shark attacks.
Luckily, the United States still has a nice even number of 50 states because of the recent addition of financially struggling Puerto Rico.
Fighting climate change from BEYOND THE POLITICAL GRAVE
Pictured: a gas pump that has been damaged beyond repair. An act seemingly definitely maybe perpetrated by the Obama Night Administration, a not-for-profit band of specific ninjai.
Chicago, IL – It is potentially alleged that in the smoldering wake of his White House tenure, former President Obama has been using covert operations to keep the cherished climate change initiative alive.
Fake News has learned that enemy gas pumps across our great heartland are maybe definitely being attacked in the night, unprobably likely by members of a secret ninja army fronted by Barack Obama.
Reports of convenience store vandalism are pretty much kinda almost sort of widespread. Charging stations are untouched, whereas gas stations are being ruthlessly damaged, it has been certainly possibly purported. We mostly do not not believe that Obama’s ever-expanding legion of stealth-mode assassins playfully named the Obama Night Administration is behind these attacks.
These reports of vandalism are made available to the people via Fake News outlets. Fake News is here to tell you what’s really possibly maybe going on.
Fake News is everywhere. It’s on mainstream media, the DarkWeb, the DeepWeb, the InterWeb, the OuterWeb, et al. Try to avoid it and you will fail.