Tag Archives: ocean

Today Is The Last Day Of The Beginning Of Your Life

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Photo by Scott Miles, Photo Ambassador, Four Seasons Resort Maui

Here is your Inspirational Message for today from FM Observer’s very own online-ordained Pastor Peter Paul:

Dear Friends: Today, as the sun sets on the horizon, this chapter of your life will be over. Everything up until this point has hopefully prepared you for what lies around the corner.

Tomorrow will begin a new chapter of your life. But first, you might want to look back at: where you’ve been, where you’re at now, what you stand for, who’s standing next to you, and where are all of your belongings?

At this point, if you have not yet reached your full potential, time is starting to run out for you to find your niche in this world. As a famous thespian once said: “You better get your act together before the curtains fall!”

Just remember: You are the author of your autobiography. How do you want your next chapter to start? How do you want the whole thing to end? Who do you want in your bibliography? Where did you put your keys?

Final closing thought: One of your recent fortune cookies is true; you just need to figure out which one.

Fargo Family Denied Permission To Adopt Hammerhead Shark

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Fargo family believes this hammerhead is their Uncle Martin, who recently drowned in the Pacific.

Fargo, ND – In an unusual story, a Fargo family who was planning on adopting a live hammerhead shark has been denied permission to do so.

Because they strongly believe that this particular full-size hammerhead shark is the reincarnation of their recently deceased Uncle Martin, they had already turned their basement into a large saltwater holding tank.

City Commissioners unanimously voted down the idea after the matter came up at their last meeting, with this comment:

“The City of Fargo is utterly dumbfounded by this request, and since we’re not in the business of crazy, we hereby deny this request for this family to adopt Uncle Hammerhead.”

What are your thoughts on this matter?

Hurricane Limbaugh Set To Wreak Havoc On Liberal Media

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Hurricane Limbaugh has its eye on the mainstream media.

Palm Beach, FL – After Rush Limbaugh suggested that Hurricane Irma is merely a liberal hoax, Hurricane Limbaugh suddenly popped up in its place and is expected to stir things up on the mainland.

Obviously caused by climate change, which is caused by global warming, which is caused by fracking, Hurricane Limbaugh is on track to make landfall in the Palm Beach area, right where the Doctor of Democracy has his home base.

Hurricane Limbaugh is expected to wreak major havoc, just as Rush has been doing with his strong-winded criticisms of liberal ‘Democratics’ for three long decades.

Characteristics of Hurricane Limbaugh include: Very low pressure, an expansively large circulation, a calm and warm center, a strong force going outward in all directions, and many topical disturbances on a daily basis.

Delaware Has Broken Off From The United States

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Yes, it’s true. Delaware has broken free from the United States mainland is now floating toward Antarctica.

Dover, Delaware – The entire state of Delaware has somehow broken off from the North American mainland just like an iceberg.

Delaware, along with everyone on it, is now adrift out in the cold Atlantic Ocean.

There are some fears that it could eventually collide (and collude) with a new large Antarctica iceberg which is also the size of Delaware and crawling with hungry polar bears that haven’t eaten for a month.

Possible reasons for Delaware breaking free from the United States include: 1. Climate Change, 2. Global Fracking, 3. Russian Hacking, and/or 4. Political Correctness Pressure to secede from the country before California does.

With Delaware now completely gonzo, the neighboring states of Maryland, Pennsylvania, and New Jersey are way more vulnerable to oceanic erosion and inland shark attacks.

Luckily, the United States still has a nice even number of 50 states because of the recent addition of financially struggling Puerto Rico.

FMO Buys Gilligan’s Island For Our Readers

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FMObserver now owns Gilligan's Island!

FMObserver now owns Gilligan’s Island!

Pacific Ocean – The FMObserver is extremely proud to announce that after hours of negotiations in smoke-filled rooms, we have purchased Gilligan’s Island for an undisclosed number of bitcoins.

While travelling and observing all around the world as we often do, one conversation on a plane led to another meeting on a boat and finally to camping in hammocks on famous Gilligan’s Island.

The main reason we decided to buy Gilligan’s Island was for you, our respected readers, not to mention the tax benefits suggested to us by our accountant.

So, any time you find yourself in the general vicinity of the Pacific Ocean, feel free to take a three-hour tour to your island paradise but make sure to first check the weather forecast so you don’t get stranded there for years.

Travel With All Your FMO Friends To Magical Goosey-Goosey Island!

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Goosey-Goosey Island is waiting for you!

The magic of Goosey-Goosey Island is waiting for you!

Ocean Butte, Atlantic – Are you in minor need of a major getaway or vice versa?

Has your March Madness turned into March Sadness?

Looking for a trip to trump all trips?

It’s time once again to sign up for FMO’s Annual Migration to Goosey-Goosey Island!

Spread your wings and fly away to FMO’s #1 destination for relaxational challenges that most only dream about.

Flock like birds of a feather with others who share your twisted views of reality.

By signing up for our Goosey-Goosey Island Travel Package, it shows you are a person of insightful keenness of mind while also having a stout heart and an appetite for living.

Leave your smartphones, remote controls, church choir practices, and road rage behind.

Don’t worry about the travel details or dates because we always work around YOUR schedule, so there’s really no excuse not to go.

This is all about you, and all of your FM Observer friends. This is all about you experiencing first-hand the magic of Goosey-Goosey Island.

Sign up now and get a free travel packet which includes: an inflatable life jacket, some hot-hot-hot jalapeno beef shtix, an official emergency signaling mirror, and a 3-D Google map showing all the magical wonders of Goosey-Goosey Island!

Oceans Rising Faster Than Predicted: Millions Moving To North Dakota

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Icebergs continually washing up on beaches making surfing a real challenge.

Icebergs continually washing up on beaches making surfing a real challenge.

Cape Cod, MA – As Global Warming continues to melt the polar ice caps down to nothing, the oceans are rising faster than originally expected.

Dr. Alice Melton, who is the top scientist with Make Earth Less Troubled (MELT) says: “We are seeing the oceans rise a foot per year which is twelve times faster than we predicted a month ago.”

Dr. Melton believes that at this current rate of rise, all of the states on the East and West coasts of the United States will be at least three feet under water by this time next year.

All these people are moving to North Dakota!

All these people are moving to North Dakota!

“Not only are all the polar bears swimming around with no place to sleep, but millions of coastal Americans will be floating in salt water if they don’t quickly up and move to North Dakota,” she panics.

The North Dakota Director of Tourism, Archie Doorbell, responded this way: “Well ya, sure, you betcha! Don’t cha know we gots lots of land up here in these parts! But a million people? I’m thinkin’ that sounds like an awful lot? We’ll just have to see about that, then, there!”

Swimmer Spotted Running On Water After Shark Sighting

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unnamedMiami, FL – A swimmer got quite a scare yesterday afternon.  So scared that he did the impossible, ran on water.

Jason Hutson was swimming off the beach in Miami when he felt something hit his left ankle. That’s when Jason looked down and said he saw about a 15ft shark.

Shawn, who was swimming about 50ft away, said he seen Mr. Hudson scream and then flail around frantically.  “That’s when I saw him rise out of the water and run for shore.  You heard that right.  I saw him running on water.”

Jason Hudson says that he was just so scared that he just started running and flailing around as fast as he could to get away.

“I wasnt trying to run on water.  I was just literally scared shitless.  I may have pooped a little. I mean, imagine looking at a 15ft shark in the face!”

As far as our research goes, we believe Jason Hudson is the first human to ever run on water.  Scholars state that since Jesus was technically a zombie, Mr. Hudson is indeed the first person to walk on water.

Beach officials state they did spot a shark a couple of days earlier and that swimmers should be extra careful out there and to report any shark sightings immediately.