Tag Archives: city commission

No Parking On Streets Of Fargo After 4+ Inches Of Snow Has Fallen

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After 4+ inches of snow, can I be parked on the street? No!

Fargo, ND – A new and much stricter parking law in Fargo may leave many street parkers surprised when they come out to look for their vehicle.

In order to help the snow plows do their job more quickly, after four or more inches of snow has fallen, any owners with cars parked on the streets of Fargo will have their vehicles compacted into a one foot cube for easy stackability at the city’s impound lot.

Q: What should owners do with their street-parked cars after 4+ inches of snow has fallen?

A: Perhaps go for a leisurely drive, or go park your car in Moorhead until your street has been properly cleared by the city plows.

Q: Can I get my car back after it’s been impounded?

A: Yes, but it will have been compacted into a one foot cube for easy stackability.

Mandan Artfest Is A Continuous Celebration Of Outdoor Murals

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All future outdoor murals in Mandan must somehow include a reference to a Lonesome Dove.

Mandan, ND – In the city that wants to be known as Mural Central, Mandan’s new Outdoor Artfest will run from October 1st to September 30th each and every year.

After the Mandan City Council decided to have their town be the most mural-friendly community in the nation, artists of all shapes and sizes will be descending on Mandan like lonesome doves onto a peace festival.

One travelling graffiti artist we spoke with explained: “Yah, cool man! Me and many of my friends are heading directly toward Mandan, North Dakota to basically live there and do outdoor art, because that is what we do, and Mandan is where we’ll do it.”

Fargo Family Denied Permission To Adopt Hammerhead Shark

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Fargo family believes this hammerhead is their Uncle Martin, who recently drowned in the Pacific.

Fargo, ND – In an unusual story, a Fargo family who was planning on adopting a live hammerhead shark has been denied permission to do so.

Because they strongly believe that this particular full-size hammerhead shark is the reincarnation of their recently deceased Uncle Martin, they had already turned their basement into a large saltwater holding tank.

City Commissioners unanimously voted down the idea after the matter came up at their last meeting, with this comment:

“The City of Fargo is utterly dumbfounded by this request, and since we’re not in the business of crazy, we hereby deny this request for this family to adopt Uncle Hammerhead.”

What are your thoughts on this matter?

Fargo’s Plan To Ban Plastic Bags Irks Some Civil Liberties Groups

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…but many are mad at Fargo’s attempt to ban beautiful plastic bags.

Fargo, ND – Many civil liberties groups are beginning to push back against the Fargo City Commission’s early attempts to ban plastic bags from the city.

They collectively say: “What Commissioner Jan Strond is proposing is just unfair against plastic bags, some who have immigrated from other countries where they may have been threatened. Banning plastic bags will send a bad message to others that Fargo is intolerant of anyone who is different.“

The American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU) believes a ban on any group, such as plastic bags, goes against the American way and infringes on the constitutionally guaranteed civil liberties of everyone.

People For the American Way (PFAW) advocates for values that sustain a diverse democratic society of which plastic bags are a part, along with activist City Commissioners, when they’re not trying to impose unconstitutional bans.

National Coalition Against Censorship (NCAC) represents many groups united by a conviction that freedom of thought and expression must be defended which is why they’re now focused on Fargo’s anti-American plastic bag ban.

If you believe the Bill Of Rights also protects plastic bags from being banned from Fargo, please show up with a sign demanding justice at the next Fargo City Commission meeting.

If you believe intolerance breeds further intolerance, demand that Commissioner Jan Strond apologize to the plastic bags of the world, or at least the banned ones in Fargo.

Fargo City Leaders Vote Yes To Seek Out Guatemalan Sister City

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With its diverse culture, rich heritage, and colonial charm, Guatemala seems to be a perfect place for Fargo to find its next Sister City.

Fargo, ND – In a historic vote which passed almost unanimously, Fargo city commissioners collectively concurred on beginning the long and arduous process of finding a community in the exotic country of Guatemala that might want to buddy up with Fargo and become our second Sister City.

Fargo currently has only one other Sister City and that would be Hamar, Norway which happened way back in 1974 when Nixon was president.

Since it’s been almost 44 years since Fargo added a Sister City, “it is high time we added another!”

Why Guatemala you may wonder? Because that’s where the dart landed when it was blindly thrown at the map of the world during the last leadership meeting.

Some Guatemalan communities that Fargo is now considering approaching to ask if they want to be a Sister City with Fargo are: 1. Quetzaltenango, 2. Chimaltenango, 3. Huehuetenango, 4. Chichicastenango, 5. Mazatenango, 6. Jacaltenango, 7. Momostenango, and 8. Sumpango, because they all end with the same two letters as ‘Fargo’.

The city commission minutes revealed that each of the mayors of these eight great Guatemalan cities will be flown to up Fargo to be wined and dined and then intensively interviewed by various members of the Fargo Elite.

The final decision will be announced during the next Fargo Summer Games this coming summer.

Please indicate your preference for Fargo’s next Sister City by emailing in your choice’s respective number along with any reasoning for your favorite Guatemalan city.

Fargo City Commission To Re-Define Integration Goals Within Zones Of Proximity

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Fargo’s High Court seen here in their formal choral robes for an important singing engagement prior to voting on Fargo’s Zones of Proximity.

Fargo, ND – With the hot issue of Fargo’s Zones of Proximity heating up, the City Commission’s High Court is trying to establish its integration goals to stay ahead of this contentious issue.

Lord Ducchess DuCant of Willow Grove is spear-heading the effort by proposing a two-part package of incentives designed to have Fargo’s Zones of Proximity self-regulate themselves much like a flock of camels.

High Judge Duke Westmire of Pingsly Park prefers a more strong-arm approach while believing integration goals should mirror state standards thus promoting collective improvements for current Zones of Proximity.

Meanwhile, you can expect to see more sign-waving protesting mobs on both sides of this divisive issue as Dr. Fred Jones, a national leader and the originator of Proxemics, is being brought in by Lutheran Social Services to stir things up a bit.

How do you feel about Fargo having Zones of Proximity?

Do you think it would help to have well-defined integration goals?

Or, should the City Commissioners spend their time on other issues such naming a new Sister City in Africa, or perhaps change Fargo’s name back to what it originally was: Centralia!

Fargo To Vote On Changing To Either A 6-Day Or 8-Day Week

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Do you think it’s time for Fargo to change its time?

Fargo, ND – With the Fargo City Commission starting to run out of things to talk about, people in the FM area will soon have an unexpected opportunity to vote on whether or not Fargo should change from the normal seven 24-hour days to either six 28-hour days or eight 21-hours days.

Proponents of a change say that some people are sick and tired of the old “24 x 7” mentality and are seeking something new.

Autio Batista says: “Having fewer longer days would give people extra time to get more done each day while an increased number of shorter days definitely has some advantages such as easily providing everyone a nice three-day weekend!”

Opponents against altering Fargo’s time framework believe that the city commission has way more impotent things to discuss, such as the diversion, or a diversion to the diversion, or preparing to fight the dreaded zika virus.

If you are in favor of Fargo changing to either six 28-hour days or eight 21-hours days, please strongly voice your opinion at any of the upcoming Fargo City Commission meetings.

Excitement Builds For New ‘Fargo Diversion’ Theme Park

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The new Fargo Diversion theme park will redefine what fun is!

Fargo, ND – As support for the proposed FM Red River Diversion Project wanes due to emotional and financial fatigue, excitment is now waxing for a brand new theme park to be called: The Fargo Diversion!

City Commissioner Tom Popcorn reports: “People these days are looking for some sort of diversion from their normal lives of ruts, routines, and responsibilites.”

Popcorn goes on: “Would you rather endlessly plan for flood protection that will never happen OR spend the entire summer using your Fargo Diversion Fun-Pass to experience every fracking ride at the new Fargo Diversion theme park? I know what my family would rather do!”

While the money for a river diversion does not add up, the money for a Fargo Diversion theme park certainly DOES add up, and maybe even multiplies!

Instead of spending $2 billion to route the Red River where it does not want to go, Fargo city leaders now see the benefit of profiting $2 billion in expected revenue from “the most kick-ass fun park between Sioux Falls and Winnipeg!”