“The official melting point of ice just got a little warmer.” –Algore
Meltonville, Iowa – Due to increasingly increasing high and low temperatures throughout the Upper Midwest region, unmelted ice is beginning to become the new currency in this post-Global Warming economy.
Based on his own scientific research, Dr. Gil McIntee strongly believes that people will soon be paying for all their basic survivalistic-type items with unmelted ice.
Dr. Gil McIntee in his own words: “It is entirely feasible that ice will be the new gold just as hot will be the new cold.”
Many are already seeing the ice price begin to shoot up like junkies at a needlepoint class and starting to skyrocket as if being launched from the North Korean peninsula.
Ironically, all of the letters in Gil McIntee can somehow be re-arranged to also spell: Melting Ice!
Yes, it’s true. Delaware has broken free from the United States mainland is now floating toward Antarctica.
Dover, Delaware – The entire state of Delaware has somehow broken off from the North American mainland just like an iceberg.
Delaware, along with everyone on it, is now adrift out in the cold Atlantic Ocean.
There are some fears that it could eventually collide (and collude) with a new large Antarctica iceberg which is also the size of Delaware and crawling with hungry polar bears that haven’t eaten for a month.
Possible reasons for Delaware breaking free from the United States include: 1. Climate Change, 2. Global Fracking, 3. Russian Hacking, and/or 4. Political Correctness Pressure to secede from the country before California does.
With Delaware now completely gonzo, the neighboring states of Maryland, Pennsylvania, and New Jersey are way more vulnerable to oceanic erosion and inland shark attacks.
Luckily, the United States still has a nice even number of 50 states because of the recent addition of financially struggling Puerto Rico.
Icebergs continually washing up on beaches making surfing a real challenge.
Cape Cod, MA – As Global Warming continues to melt the polar ice caps down to nothing, the oceans are rising faster than originally expected.
Dr. Alice Melton, who is the top scientist with Make Earth Less Troubled (MELT) says: “We are seeing the oceans rise a foot per year which is twelve times faster than we predicted a month ago.”
Dr. Melton believes that at this current rate of rise, all of the states on the East and West coasts of the United States will be at least three feet under water by this time next year.
All these people are moving to North Dakota!
“Not only are all the polar bears swimming around with no place to sleep, but millions of coastal Americans will be floating in salt water if they don’t quickly up and move to North Dakota,” she panics.
The North Dakota Director of Tourism, Archie Doorbell, responded this way: “Well ya, sure, you betcha! Don’t cha know we gots lots of land up here in these parts! But a million people? I’m thinkin’ that sounds like an awful lot? We’ll just have to see about that, then, there!”