Tag Archives: ice

Fargo Man Impaled By Large Icicle Doesn’t Notice It Until He Gets Home To His Wife

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Those large high-hanging icicles can become quite a headache!

Fargo, ND – Yes, it’s that dangerous time of the year once again when large icicles are precariously hanging high above the Downtown Fargo sidewalks.

Such was the case when Mr. Ace Leidich slowly sauntered along while unknowingly entering a red-zone area with very large icicles hanging from the rooftop sixty four feet up.

Unfortunately for Ace, one of the larger and more pointed icicles suddenly broke off as he was almost directly below it.

After a two second drop, the rather large icicle got stuck in the head of Mr. Ace Leidich.

Of course, being North Dakota tough, Ace did not realize he had an icicle stuck is his head until he got home, where Mrs. Leidich casually asked about it.

Pointedly, all of the letters in “Ace Leidich” can be melted down into spelling: Icicle Head!

Top Ten Winter Words North Dakotans Are Getting Really Sick Of

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Fargoans have really gotten to hate the word Arctic.

Fargo, ND – Our FM Observer reporters fanned out across the region to knock on doors asking people what winter words they are getting most tired of hearing.

After doing so, we then empirically compiled the comprehensive list into a scientific study.

We believe it is totally scientific because we used the word empirical.

What follows is a scientific poll of the Top Ten words or phrases that people living in this region are getting really sick of hearing:

10. Winter Snowstorm
9. Frizzle
8. Alberta Clipper
7. Pre-Shoveling
6. Snownami*
5. Windchill Factor
4. Black Ice
3. Blizzard Warning
2. Polar Vortex
1. Arctic

* Snownami is the scientific word for the large ridge of snow left at the end of driveways after the street plows come by to do their due diligence.

Abominable Snowman Comes To Fargo Area In Search Of Mate

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Yeti or not, here he comes!

Fargo, ND – Have you been wondering: Why is it so darn cold these days?

Answer: Yeti, the abominable snowman, has temporarily left the Arctic Circle long enough to hopefully find himself a mate.

Why now? Because this is the mating season of the abominable snowman, since our winter is actually his Spring.

Experts agree it’s no accident that the word climate is made up of the words: climb + mate.

Why Fargo? No one is quite sure but it’s believed that Yeti has gotten lucky here in the past.

Yetiologists believe that negative windchill factors are how Mr. Abominable attracts his mate. So, the stronger the attraction, the colder it feels.

Next Olympic Winter Games To Be Held In Fargo, North Dakota

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The new F-M Curling Club was the deciding factor to have the next Winter Olympic Games in Fargo.

Fargo, ND – The city of Fargo has been abuzz ever since the International Olympic Committee announced that Fargo, North Dakota will host the next Winter Games.

When Fargo first bid for the Winter Olympic Games, most people ridiculed the idea as fake news, and laughed until they cried.

It turns out that in Fargo, the I.O.C. found everything it was looking for in a Winter Games host city.

From their official announcement statement: “Fargo, North Dakota is a paragon-perfect poster-child place that can host the next Winter Games cost-effectively, logically, efficiently, and safely. Plus, Fargo has a lot of fine restaurants and places to drink mass quantities of bier.”

One insider leaked that Fargo’s new, state-of-the-art Curling Club was one of the main reasons Fargo was chosen to host the next Winter Olympix, since curling has now become the #1 favorite spectator event of The Winter Games.

During this leak, the leaker also mentioned that the only real thing Fargo will have to do to prepare for The Games is create some good-sized mountains, possibly from all the dirt that will soon be excavated for the Red River Diversion.

Global Warming Causing Ice To Become The New Currency

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“The official melting point of ice just got a little warmer.” –Algore

Meltonville, Iowa – Due to increasingly increasing high and low temperatures throughout the Upper Midwest region, unmelted ice is beginning to become the new currency in this post-Global Warming economy.

Based on his own scientific research, Dr. Gil McIntee strongly believes that people will soon be paying for all their basic survivalistic-type items with unmelted ice.

Dr. Gil McIntee in his own words: “It is entirely feasible that ice will be the new gold just as hot will be the new cold.”

Many are already seeing the ice price begin to shoot up like junkies at a needlepoint class and starting to skyrocket as if being launched from the North Korean peninsula.

Ironically, all of the letters in Gil McIntee can somehow be re-arranged to also spell: Melting Ice!

Fargo’s Ice Maze Is Free Freezing Fun

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Test your navigational skills at the Fargo Ice Maze. It’s amazing!

Fargo, ND – One thing good about Fargo’s cold winters is they supposedly help keep out the riff raff.

The other good thing about having excessively cold temperatures of long durations is their conduciveness for supporting an outdoor Ice Maze.

Fargo’s new Ice Maze is the amazing brainchild of Vaughn Dirkly who been fascinated with mazes since his childhood.

“Ever since I was just a pup, I’ve been making mazes out of pretty much everything you can imagine,” admits Vaughn, who is now a ripe old 32 years old.

Vaughn goes on: “During the summer months, I’ve made mazes out of wood, dirt, cornstalks, water, cars, and even garbage! But now, this is my very first wintertime ice maze. I hope everyone likes it and enjoys trying to find their way through it.”

Even though going through the Fargo Ice Maze is free, people are being asked to bring a bag of Nacho Doritos as a free-will offering donation for Vaughn and his maze team.