Tag Archives: grocery store

Polar Bear That Enters North Fargo Grocery Store Ends Up In The Canned Meats Aisle

Polar bear enters North Fargo grocery store in search of food.

North Fargo, ND – In what authorities are describing as a very rare occurrence, a hungry large polar bear wandered into a grocery store in North Fargo.

It is believed that some of these arctic carnivores are being driven South to find food because of Global Melting.

Security video cameras recorded the half ton polar bear entering the back door of the grocery store around midnight.

Polar bear ends up in the canned meats aisle.

Meat manager Branden Caporale said the white polar bear went straight to the fresh fish section after eating a few rare steaks.

Luckily, a pair of off-duty police officers had their tazers handy and the polar bear was able to be eventually detained with two pairs of extra-large handcuffs.

When asked what ever became of the polar bear, Mr. Caporale said that a joint decision was made to offer their customers a limited-time offer of fresh canned polar bear meat, which they can find in the canned meats aisle, right next to the sardines.

Ironically, all of the letters in Branden Caporale can be re-arranged to spell: Canned Polar Bear!

Lady Attacked By Lobsters In Grocery Seafood Section

caption here

Lobster Mobsters

Moorhead, MN – We’ve all walked by the bubbling lobster tank in the meat and seafood area of a grocery store.

While doing some recent shopping in a popular Moorhead grocery store, Mrs. Maxima Underhill began walking past the lobster tank area.

Unbeknownst to Maxima, two rogue lobsters had just staged a successful escape from their over-crowded waterworld.

Working as a team, they had assisted each other in slipping off the constricting hand-cuffs from their large main pincer claws. These two large on-the-loose lobsters were now armed and dangerous.

According to the official police report, Mrs. Underhill was suddenly lobstruck by these two lobstrosities as she walked near their tank. The victim allegedly sustained numerous wounds to her arms, neck, and face.

The two perpetrators, who are now being held in a guarded holding tank, each had an extensive criminal record. As in some of their previous assaults, these lobster mobsters quickly worked as a team to crawl up their victim’s arms while pinching small deep pincer cuts using their main pincer-claws.

This crime of opportunity caused immediate lobsteria in the store as the word spread of the alleged attack. Many people in the region are now suffering from lobsterphobia as a result of the bizarre incident.

The local Red Lobster restaurants have reported a dramatic drop in business since Mrs. Underhill’s unexpected misfortune. In an effort to calm public fears, the popular restaurant chain says they will immediately begin doing full background checks on all their lobsters.