Fargo, ND—The results are finally in! Fargo, for the eighteenth year in a row, was awarded the honor of Most Independent I-94 Highway Exits with an estimable 7.

ND Department Of Transportation Administrator Hifton Gasscage believes this to be the result of hard work and a little divine intervention. “We’re happy with these recent findings. Currently, there are no plans to add or remove any highway exits, but if it doth pleaseth the gods, thy shalt produceth the sturdiest of offeth-rampeth constructs.”

The Gods

The Gods sent forth this ruling after the annual War Of Spring Solstice. Fargo was declared the ruling village in an epic Battle Of The Longroads, with Bismarck earning a revered second-place nod.

Fargo shall again wage battle against Bismarck at the dawn of the 2017 Summer Solstice. It is then that the Gods shall again make their will known.