small-time crook

Fargo, ND—A long string of recent armed attacks on gas stations in our town has left tills and registers completely tapped. After Fargo endured yet another pair of convenience store holdups yesterday, the Observer has learned local stop n shops are officially out of money.

Store clerks want the city’s armed hoodlums to know they don’t have any more cash to fork over after being robbed, like, fifty million times.

South Fargo Petro Serve clerk Zelda Holdsclaw:

“We’re out of cash so don’t bother robbing us anymore. You guys took it all. Holding us up again would be a complete waste of your time.”

It would appear that area convenience stores have become easy targets for a quick smash-and-grab. Thankfully, with this new announcement, all that is about to change.

North Fargo Stop-N-Go store manager Randy Noisewater:

“Robbers have finally taken us for all we’re worth. It might be time for criminals to step their game up, take off the training wheels and start robbing banks for Pete’s sake.”