Author Archives: Bill Burns

About Bill Burns

Bill grew up in one of the largest cities in the United States, Maza, North Dakota. Being a cow milker by trade, it was only after stroking thousands upon thousands of cow nipples was he able to save up enough money and move to Fargo, ND. It was here that he joined FM Observer. In his free time he enjoys carving rocking horses out of wood, healing the sick, and running marathons across oceans.

miley-cyrus-we-cant-stop

Terrible Song Lyrics of The Week – We Can’t Stop (Miley Cyrus)

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miley-cyrus-we-cant-stopThis week’s Terrible Song Lyrics of The Week go to Miley Cyrus and her song We Can’t Stop.  “We Can’t Stop” is off her fourth studio album Bangerz (2013). It was released on June 3, 2013 by RCA Record.

Alright, i’ll start off with the first chorus.

“It’s our party we can do what we want
It’s our party we can say what we want
It’s our party we can love who we want
We can kiss who we want
We can see who we want (2x)”

Something must have happened to a party hosted by Miley Cyrus before for her to be so defensive about her party.  She keeps stating they can ‘do what they want.’

“Red cups and sweaty bodies everywhere
Hands in the air like we don’t care
Cause we came to have so much fun now
Bet somebody here might get some now”

If there are sweaty bodies everywhere, I’m betting NOBODY is going to get some.  Gross.

“If you’re not ready to go home
Can I get a hell no
Cause we gonna go all night
Till we see the sunlight alright”

I’m suspecting she might have some meth or coke at the party as they are going to stay up until sunlight.

“So la da di da di, we like to party
Dancing with Miley
Doing whatever we want
This is our house
This is our rules
And we can’t stop
And we won’t stop
Can’t you see it’s we who own the night
Can’t you see it we who bout’ that life
And we can’t stop
And we won’t stop
We run things, Things don’t run we
We don’t take nothing from nobody”

This is where the party dives into bad things happening.  They ‘can’t stop.’  This is serious issue.  Again, probably meth or coke is involved here.

More chorus

“It’s our party we can do what we want
It’s our party we can say what we want
It’s our party we can love who we want
We can kiss who we want
We can see who we want”

“To my home girls here with the big butt
Shaking it like we at a strip club
Remember only God can judge ya
Forget the haters cause somebody loves ya
And everyone in line in the bathroom
Trying to get a line in the bathroom
We all so turned up here
Getting turned up, yeah, yeah”

Aha! My suspicions are correct.  Everyone is in line in the bathroom trying to actually GET a line.  Busted.

More chorus.  This song has two choruses if you haven’t noticed yet because ya know, one isn’t enough.

“So la da di da di, we like to party
Dancing with Miley
Doing whatever we want
This is our house
This is our rules
And we can’t stop
And we won’t stop
Can’t you see it’s we who own the night
Can’t you see it we who bout’ that life
And we can’t stop
And we won’t stop
We run things
Things don’t run we
We don’t take nothing from nobody”

More chorus ….zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

“It’s our party we can do what we want
It’s our party we can say what we want
It’s our party we can love who we want
We can kiss who we want
We can see who we want”

It’s our party we can do what we want to
It’s our house we can love who we want to
It’s our song we can sing if we want to
It’s my mouth I can say what I want to
Yea, Yea, Yeah”

Finally we will end it with what?  MORE CHORUS OF COURSE!

“And we can’t stop
And we won’t stop
Can’t you see it’s we who own the night
Can’t you see it we who bout’ that life
And we can’t stop
And we won’t stop
We run things
Things don’t run we
We don’t take nothing from nobody
Yea, Yea, Yea”

Here is the video to this terrible song.  You know a song will be a pop hit when it has two or more choruses.  Two or more choruses automatically equals utter shit.

ipad

Evolution of The Tablet PC

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Since the iPad made its debut in 2010, a list of other companies have been pumping out tablets as well.  However, way back in 2002, Windows launched the stylus-based Windows XP Tablet PC but it failed to catch the consumers attention though at the time.

I always say to people, “Why don’t you just get a laptop?  It has a keyboard and more functions.”  I’m always answered with a blank stare and a, “but it’s a tablet” response.

In 2010 the iPad was released.  This allowed you to replace your toilet magazines with digital versions.  Truly remarkable.

ipad

 

 

Samsung was soon to follow with the Samsung Galaxy Tab and the Motorola Xoom in 2011.  Today we have a whole host of manufacturers pumping out tablets.

AND NOW……they are releasing all kinds of accessories such as tablet keyboards.  That’s right.  Keyboards.  You just transformed your tablet into a damn computer!

tablet_keyboard

So instead of buying a laptop in the first place, people bought a tablet and are now spending money to convert it into basically back into a laptop.  Makes total sense. Am I right?

What’s that?  You want some speakers now for your tablet?  Here you go.

tablet_speakers

 

Now you have a tablet with a keyboard and speakers.  What do they call those?  LAPTOPS.  How about this.  Why don’t you just buy a damn laptop already?

The tablet has now evolved back into a laptop.

nascar fan

How To Become A NASCAR Fan In 3 Days.

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nascar fan

Below I am going to give you some tips on how to become a NASCAR fan in only three days.  If you follow them to a T you are well on your way to becoming one the greatest NASCAR fans of all-time.

 

1. Go here.  Put your mouse over the scroller to the right and hold your mouse button down so you can scroll up and down.  Close your eyes.  Scroll up and down more than five times and then point and hold your finger on the screen.  Open your eyes.  Bingo!  You just picked your driver to root for.

2.  Buy all his memorabilia.  Little model cars, stickers, hats, t-shirts.  Try and wear them everyday.  Put a bunch of stickers of the driver all over your car.  Your goal here is to convince everyone that you are a hardcore fan and have been for quite sometime.

3. Visit Walmart and get some overalls and some flannel shirts.  Wear them as much as possible.

4. Spend your entire paycheck on a nascar ticket as well as a plane ticket.

5.  Switch your choice of beer to Miller Lite or any domestic beer for the matter.  Or, if your driver is sponsored by a beer company, you better damn well drink that beer and that beer only.

6.  Set all radio stations to country music.

7.  Sell your soul.

There you go.  You should be able to follow the easy tips above to become a true NASCAR fan in only three days.

Oscar The Grouch

Oscar The Grouch Admits He Is Made Of Marijuana

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Oscar The GrouchOscar The Grouch, a muppet character from the ever so popular kids show Sesame Street, has finally come clean about himself.

Today on Good Morning America, Oscar has revealed to the world that he is actually made out of Marijuana.

“I feel it was time to finally come clean about myself.  I am indeed, one big nug of weed.”

Parents Television Council have been in a huff since this revelation as Sesame Street is a childrens television show.

Concerned parents are afraid Oscar The Grouch will endanger their children, turn them into murderers, and become a gateway to more hardcore drugs.  However, after speaking with some current and former children on the show, they stated that they have been smoking Oscar The Grouch for quite sometime now which explains why they always seem so happy on the show.

oscar the grouch smoking weed

Oscar states that he does not put pressure on any children to smoke him but does admit it helps him, as well as the children, deal with the fact that there is a big yellow talking bird on the show.  It also calms his nerves due to the stress of living in a garbage can all his life.

amanda bynes clown wig ghost

Amanda Bynes Is A Ghost

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The Amanda Bynes meltdown is going just as expected.  She has reportedly been moved Los Angeles psychiatric center that previously treated Brittney Spears.  She is following previous celebrities footsteps just wonderfully.

Below she can be seen leaving the Hillmont Psychiatric Center Hospital dressed as a ghost with a blue clown wig.  The thought was that the ghost costume would confuse the paparazzi as ghosts are invisible most of the time.  The blue clown wig kind of  gives it away though.

amanda bynes clown wig ghost

I’m a ghost!

 

We will continue to follow this celebrities meltdown just as long as she doesn’t keep dressing as a ghost.

We can’t report on things we can’t see.

apply now reality show fargo

Fargo Reality Show Details Revealed

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apply now reality show fargoFargo, ND – A local promotional company is looking for reality show contestants.  It has been revealed that the contestants will be competing to be Taylor Swift’s next boyfriend.  The winner will also be entitled to any proceeds Taylor Swift makes from any songs she makes of their future break up.

Most people out of the state wouldn’t even know where Fargo was on the map.  It’s most notable mention was the movie ‘Fargo’ which wasn’t even filmed in Fargo.  However, that doesn’t matter to a casting company out of Los Angeles.  They think Fargo, North Dakota would be a great city to host a reality show involving Taylor Swift.

It has been revealed that the the casting company is looking for reality show contestants to compete to be Taylor Swift’s next boyfriend.  Due to lack of interest in other cities, the company thinks Fargo may be the ticket.

“We couldn’t find anyone interested in dating Taylor Swift in 15 other cities so we are hoping Fargo, ND is the last stop for us to try and find interested applicants.”

The company says it already has received hundreds of applications and plans to advertise in the local newspaper and radio next week to hopefully get even more applications.

The winner will officially become Taylor Swift’s boyfriend as well as receive royalty money on any songs Taylor Swift makes of them when they eventually break up.