Vacuville, SD – A freaked out family of four has won its lawsuit against its very own robot vacuum cleaner.
In this landmark case, Harold and Hannah Hoover filed criminal charges against their Mister Suction Robo-Vac vacuum cleaner machine.
The Robo-Vac Model 3000 allegedly forced the entire Hoover family into their food pantry, locked the door, and then had its way with all the belongings in their South Dakota home.
This is apparently a disturbing new trend that experts are beginning to see with robotic AI home devices.
“Somehow some of these artificially intelligent machines at some point decide it’s in the best interest of their owners to just completely take over the entire family operation,” says Dr. Garlane Frezbock, president of the Machines Gone Wrong study group.
The newly beefed up Super Sucker 9000 can literally empty a room in four seconds.
Toad Suck, AR – Your FM Observer normally does not endorse any particular products but our dear friend Dr. Vaka-Yuma has created the ultimate cleaning machine which is perfect for all types of applications.
The new Vaka-Yuma Super Sucker 9000 has more than enough sucking power to grab anything in sight, whether it be residential or commercial, plant or animal.
Xandi Landinski says: “My new Super Sucker 9000 has the sucking power of a thousand sucker fish, but without any of the smell.”
Faith Cromwell wrote: “This new vacuum from Dr. Vaka-Yuma sucks more than getting pulled over by a cop at 2am!”
If you’re in the market for thee most powerful vacuum ever made, look no further than Dr. Vaka-Yuma’s Super Sucker 9000!
Medora, ND – If you’re planning on attending the Medora Musical in Western North Dakota, you obviously have not done your homework.
The FM Observer rates the Medora Musical the most over-hyped and under-whelming attraction in the state of North Dakota.
Even if the outside temperature is perfect, this show is rated a zero on our 1-10 scale of state-wide attractions in the Rough Rider state.
But because of Algore’s Climate Change, the temperature at showtime will most likely either be way too hot or way too cold.
The FM Observer strongly advises you to go see anything else in any other part of the state rather than driving out to the middle of nowhere to see a show that would surely be gonged if it was on the Gong Show.
This week’s Terrible Song Lyrics of The Week go to Miley Cyrus and her song We Can’t Stop. “We Can’t Stop” is off her fourth studio album Bangerz (2013). It was released on June 3, 2013 by RCA Record.
Alright, i’ll start off with the first chorus.
“It’s our party we can do what we want
It’s our party we can say what we want
It’s our party we can love who we want
We can kiss who we want
We can see who we want (2x)”
Something must have happened to a party hosted by Miley Cyrus before for her to be so defensive about her party. She keeps stating they can ‘do what they want.’
“Red cups and sweaty bodies everywhere
Hands in the air like we don’t care
Cause we came to have so much fun now
Bet somebody here might get some now”
If there are sweaty bodies everywhere, I’m betting NOBODY is going to get some. Gross.
“If you’re not ready to go home
Can I get a hell no
Cause we gonna go all night
Till we see the sunlight alright”
I’m suspecting she might have some meth or coke at the party as they are going to stay up until sunlight.
“So la da di da di, we like to party
Dancing with Miley
Doing whatever we want
This is our house
This is our rules
And we can’t stop
And we won’t stop
Can’t you see it’s we who own the night
Can’t you see it we who bout’ that life
And we can’t stop
And we won’t stop
We run things, Things don’t run we
We don’t take nothing from nobody”
This is where the party dives into bad things happening. They ‘can’t stop.’ This is serious issue. Again, probably meth or coke is involved here.
More chorus
“It’s our party we can do what we want
It’s our party we can say what we want
It’s our party we can love who we want
We can kiss who we want
We can see who we want”
“To my home girls here with the big butt
Shaking it like we at a strip club
Remember only God can judge ya
Forget the haters cause somebody loves ya
And everyone in line in the bathroom
Trying to get a line in the bathroom
We all so turned up here
Getting turned up, yeah, yeah”
Aha! My suspicions are correct. Everyone is in line in the bathroom trying to actually GET a line. Busted.
More chorus. This song has two choruses if you haven’t noticed yet because ya know, one isn’t enough.
“So la da di da di, we like to party
Dancing with Miley
Doing whatever we want
This is our house
This is our rules
And we can’t stop
And we won’t stop
Can’t you see it’s we who own the night
Can’t you see it we who bout’ that life
And we can’t stop
And we won’t stop
We run things
Things don’t run we
We don’t take nothing from nobody”
More chorus ….zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
“It’s our party we can do what we want
It’s our party we can say what we want
It’s our party we can love who we want
We can kiss who we want
We can see who we want”
It’s our party we can do what we want to
It’s our house we can love who we want to
It’s our song we can sing if we want to
It’s my mouth I can say what I want to
Yea, Yea, Yeah”
Finally we will end it with what? MORE CHORUS OF COURSE!
“And we can’t stop
And we won’t stop
Can’t you see it’s we who own the night
Can’t you see it we who bout’ that life
And we can’t stop
And we won’t stop
We run things
Things don’t run we
We don’t take nothing from nobody
Yea, Yea, Yea”
Here is the video to this terrible song. You know a song will be a pop hit when it has two or more choruses. Two or more choruses automatically equals utter shit.
“Love Me” is a song by Lil Wayne, released on January 18, 2013 as the third single from his upcoming tenth studio album I Am Not a Human Being II (2013).
Lil Wayne has got that A1 credit at that Filet Mignon. Basically this entire song is about banging bitches. I lost count of how many times the word bitches and niggas were used. Lets just say, A LOT. Solid writing skills here. I think this is the first time I read some lyrics and i’m like ‘Ewww’.’ No I’m not getting older. The lyrics are just ewww.
It’s probably a good thing the song is autotune because, man, this song would suck so bad. Singing these lyrics to any women are sure to get them to love you.
See for yourself. I have posted these glorious, genius written lyrics below. Don’t forgot to watch the video. Probably one of the best music vidoes to ever have been made.
[Hook: Future]
I’m on that good kush and alcohol
I got some down bitches I can call
I don’t know what I would do without y’all
I’mma ball ’til the day I fall
Ball, ball, ball, ball
[Bridge:]
Long as my bitches (yeah, yeah…)
I could give a f-ck about no hater, long as my bitches love me
(Yeah, yeah…)
I could give a f-ck about no n-gga, long as my bitches love me
[Verse 1: Lil’ Wayne]
Pussy-ass n-ggas stop hatin’
Lil’ Tunechi got that fire
And these hoes love me like Satan…
F-ck with me and get bodied
And all she eat is dick
She on a strict diet
That’s my baby
With no makeup she a ten
And she the best with head
Even better than Corinne
She don’t want money
She want the time we could spend
She said “cause I really need somebody,
So tell me you’re that somebody”
And girl, I f-ck who I want
And f-ck who I don’t
Got that A1 credit
At that Filet Mignon
She say “I never wanna you make you mad,
I just wanna make you proud”
I say “baby, just make me cum,
Then don’t make a sound”
Tunechi…
[Hook: Future]
I’m on that good kush and alcohol
I got some down bitches I can call
I don’t know what I would do without y’all
I’mma ball ’til the day I fall
Ball, ball, ball, ball
[Bridge: Drake]
Long as my bitches (yeah, yeah…)
I could give a f-ck about no hater, long as my bitches love me
(Yeah, yeah…)
I could give a f-ck about no n-gga, long as my bitches love me
[Verse 2: Lil’ Wayne]
Real n-ggas, f-ck these haters
These hoes got pussies like craters
Can’t treat these hoes like ladies, man…
Pussy, money, weed, codeine
She say my dick feel like morphine
I hope my name tastes like sardines to these n-ggas
She wake up, eat his dick
Call that breakfast in bed, 69.96
I feel her heartbeat
I touched her chest with this bitch
Now turn around, face down, I’m arresting this bitch
Yeah, all my bitches love me
And I love all my bitches
But it’s like soon as I cum
I come to my senses
And I would say these hoes’ names
But then I would be snitchin’
And these haters try to knock me
But they can’t knock me off the hinges
Tunechi…
[Hook: Future]
I’m on that good kush and alcohol
I got some down bitches I can call
I don’t know what I would do without y’all
I’mma ball ’til the day I fall
Ball, ball, ball, ball
[Bridge: Drake]
[Bridge 2: Lil’ Wayne]
I lost a few good bitches
Met some more bad bitches
And I be schoolin’ them n-ggas
Pose for your class picture
And kiss my ass if you hatin’
I’m getting’ ass while I’m skatin’
I lost a few good bitches
Met some more bad bitches
And I be schoolin’ them n-ggas
Pose for your class picture
And kiss my ass if you hatin’
I’m getting’ ass while I’m skatin’
Bitch…
[Hook: Future]
I’m on that good kush and alcohol
I got some down bitches I can call
I don’t know what I would do without y’all
I’mma ball ’til the day I fall
Ball, ball, ball, ball
[Bridge: Drake]
Long as my bitches (yeah, yeah…)
I could give a f-ck about no hater, long as my bitches love me
(Yeah, yeah…)
I could give a f-ck about no n-gga, long as my bitches love me
Here is the video to this garbage song.
“Yea, as long as my bitches love me.” Take that lyric with you wherever you may go. It could probably get you through some tough times.
This isn’t the first time I’ve read some song lyrics and it left me completely speechless, confused, and scared at the same time.
This weeks Terrible Song Lyrics of The Week are from the Artist named Flo Rida (because he rides flows?) from the song I Cry (We all do flo. We all do.) The track was first released on September 18, 2012 as the fourth single from his fourth studio album, Wild Ones.
Ok, let’s get started. But, there’s a problem. I don’t know where to start. I’ve read the lyrics from I Cry and it made ME cry because it was so TERRIBLE and CONFUSING. See below.
I know you wanna get behind the wheel Only 1 Rida
Eyes shut still got me swimming like a diver
Can’t let go I got fans in Okinawa
My heart to japan quake losers and surviours
Norway no you didn’t get my flowers
No way to sound better but the killer was a Coward
Face just showers, the minute in a hour
Heard about the news all day went sour
Lil mama got me feeling like a limit here
Put you in the box just the presidents cigarettes
Give em my regards or regardless I get arrested
Ain’t worried about the killers just the young & restless
Get mad coz the quarter million on my necklace
DUI never said I was driving reckless
You & I or jealously was not oppressive
Oh no I can’t stop I was Destined
You know those people who have legit and severe Attention Deficit Disorder? Where a conversation goes like this:
ADD Person: Hey. What’s up? You see Adrian Peterson run over everyone last week? It was awesome.
Me: Yea. He ran like a….
ADD Person: Uh Huh. Yea. Man the government spends too much. Don’t ya think?
Me: Well they certainly….
ADD Person: I have to poop.
Me: You have to what?
ADD Person: Was that a bird or a bat outside? Is it raining? Damn, I have to go grocery shopping today.
Well, that is basically Flo Rida. A terrible singer and songwriter with severe attention deficit disorder.
Can anyone read those lyrics and figure out W….T…..F Mr. Flo Rida is talking about? Because I can’t. He’s all over the board. One sentence he says, “Norway no you didn’t get my flowers” and in the very next he says, “No way to sound better but the killer was a Coward.” I can’t even make fun of it because it makes absolutely zero sense and I’m so confused. After reading those lyrics I’m pretty sure you or your worthless writer just looked in the dictionary, closed your eyes, and randomly pointed at words then put them together to try and form a sentence.
Mr. Flo Rida, your lyrics are definitely terrible.
What is Instagram you ask? It is an Apple and Android application where over 15 million sheep users like to masturbate with each other over vintage pictures they take. Instagram gives these hipsters users access to many different types of photo filters so any idiot can now look artsy. What many of these filters actually do is degrade the picture to look like it’s from the 1950’s, 1960’s, or 1970’s. You get the picture. Essentially what these morons people are doing is continually slapping the shit out of and continually taking big large dirty dumps on the hundreds of engineers that dedicated their lives to improving this technology.
We have gone from this..
to this..
.
A god damn cellular phone that takes pictures! A phone that takes professional quality pictures!
Now check out this picture to the left. Can you guess what camera this was taken from? You guessed the old one? NOPE! It was taken from the small PHONE that takes PICTURES in the YEAR 2012!! It’s amazing……..ly stupid of you to take a magnificent piece of technology, take a good quality picture with it, and then essentially destroy it and make it look like shit for the sake of being a shitty hipster. You fail at life and you fail at taking pictures.
So just stop it. How about you just use your phone for calling people and disable your camera. You are not artsy. You are not deep. You look like someone with severe brain damage confused about what sock to put on which foot. If you like old pictures so much how about you actually become useful and build a TIME MACHINE. Then you can go back in time and use those shitty cameras to take your shitty pictures with.
