Tag Archives: machine

Family’s Robot Vacuum Cleaner Found Guilty Of Terrorizing And Threatening Behavior

Robot Vacuum turns to the Dark Side.

Vacuville, SD – A freaked out family of four has won its lawsuit against its very own robot vacuum cleaner.

In this landmark case, Harold and Hannah Hoover filed criminal charges against their Mister Suction Robo-Vac vacuum cleaner machine.

The Robo-Vac Model 3000 allegedly forced the entire Hoover family into their food pantry, locked the door, and then had its way with all the belongings in their South Dakota home.

This is apparently a disturbing new trend that experts are beginning to see with robotic AI home devices.

“Somehow some of these artificially intelligent machines at some point decide it’s in the best interest of their owners to just completely take over the entire family operation,” says Dr. Garlane Frezbock, president of the Machines Gone Wrong study group.

First Machine To Catch Corona Virus From A Human Is Now “Acting Funny”

This is the first machine to allegedly get the Corona Virus from a human being.

Corona, California – The first documented case of the Corona Virus being passed from a human to a machine has now been confirmed.

The machine, whose identity is being kept confidential for now, keeps on saying the same message over and over:

The server encountered an internal error or misconfiguration and was unable to complete your request.

Luckily, the machine in question has been quarantined but authorities are trying to see if it possibly shared data with any other machines within the past two weeks.

Signs that a machine might have the Corona Virus include: 1. repeating weird messages, and 2. just plain “acting funny” in a general sort of way.

If you suspect that any of your machines fall into this category, immediately place them in a large container such as a garbage can with the top lid securely fastened.

After Iowa Caucus App Fails, Iowa Dems Using 1920’s Adding Machine To Try And Calculate The Victor

Iowa’s inability to add causes division.

Des Moines, Iowa – Once caucus leaders realized their new app apparently was unable to perform under pressure, an old adding machine was brought out of a dusty old closet.

Seemingly in dire need of a basic adding machine, Iowa Democrats somehow found a 1920s Victor adding machine to help them try to accurately determine who was rightly the victor of the country’s first presidential caucus.

Even though the results of the Iowa Democrat presidential caucus might not be certain for months, at least they have a solid and reliable piece of machinery upon which to tally the precinct totals and hopefully then one day announce with full confidence which candidate was the victor.

Moral of the story: During these modern times of apps and downs, we might still want to remember how to do things the old-fashioned way.

If You’re Shopping For A Vacuum, We Recommend Getting The New Super Sucker 9000

The newly beefed up Super Sucker 9000 can literally empty a room in four seconds.

Toad Suck, AR – Your FM Observer normally does not endorse any particular products but our dear friend Dr. Vaka-Yuma has created the ultimate cleaning machine which is perfect for all types of applications.

The new Vaka-Yuma Super Sucker 9000 has more than enough sucking power to grab anything in sight, whether it be residential or commercial, plant or animal.

Xandi Landinski says: “My new Super Sucker 9000 has the sucking power of a thousand sucker fish, but without any of the smell.”

Faith Cromwell wrote: “This new vacuum from Dr. Vaka-Yuma sucks more than getting pulled over by a cop at 2am!”

If you’re in the market for thee most powerful vacuum ever made, look no further than Dr. Vaka-Yuma’s Super Sucker 9000!

The New Duplicator Machine Can Duplicate Anything!

Whatever you put in here, you will get two! Now available wherever machines are sold!

Whatever you put in here, you will get two! Now available wherever machines are sold!

Dupo, Illinois – If you were waiting for the next new big thing by way of inventions, wait no longer. What some may think is straight out of an episode of Star Trek, is now a reality.

Brought to you by the same folks who brought you time travel, The DupliTron 3000® allows Joe Consumer to virtually and literally clone anything he can cram inside.

Just imagine being able to create a back-up of that beautifully expensive engagement ring you just purchased for your future ex-wife. Simply put it in The DupliTron 3000® and presto, you now have two!

Here’s how it works: You place an object inside the DupliCation Chamber, close the door, set your DupliCation Coordinates on full blast then hit the ‘Start’ button. The DupliTron 3000® then arranges your item’s molecular structure in just such a way that it clones each and every atom. Presto! You now have two of the same object!

Here’s what some stunned people are saying about The DupliTron 3000®:

“I am totally stunned,” said Merv Bankwood from Golden Grove, AZ.

“Seeing is believing but I still don’t,” admitted Blanche Paterson from Ronco, TX.

“Maybe I’ll buy two of them!” opined JJ Tatonio from Hato Candal, CA.

Inventors of the DupliTron 3000® strongly advise against attempting to clone anything twice. Don’t be greedy! This will result in a loss of fidelity much like what happens at the Pet Sematary. Any twice-cloned items will come out disfigured and rank with pure evil. Do not do this! You can’t sue the company if you’re dead.

Look for your DupliTron 3000® at any stores where cool stuff is sold. With your very own duplication machine, your imagination is the only limit!