Juicing?

Charlotte, NC – Our sporting era is one of constant concern and worry stemming from PED use and the speculation regarding which athlete is cheating and which isn’t. With only one out of the big 3 professional sports organizations (MLB) currently conducting a sensible PED testing program, the use of chemical supplements is thought to be at an all-time high.

This has NASCAR executives worried. Worried not so much about the drivers, but of the cars themselves. Basically, the nation as a whole is very curious as to why Jimmie Johnson finishes in the top five, like, all the time, so NASCAR fans and executives alike have been pushing to implement vehicle Performance-Enhancing Chemical (PEC) testing.

Now that NASCAR has developed what they call a “mission-appropriate testing system that won’t disrupt the flow of races too much”, the in-race screening will take place effective immediately. PEC testing will happen only during races, completely at random, as a means to bust illegally juiced-up cars.

Each pit crew will contain a NASCAR official who will execute quick and efficient PEC tests on vehicles during pit stops. He or she will test for helium in the tires, Red Bull in the fuel tank, SuperCOOL engine coolant, galvanized-lithium lugnuts, etc.

The PEC official will be aggressively pursuing these performance enhancers and many others—all of which are both highly effective and highly illegal. Any vehicle that is caught “juicing” will be handed down a swift punishment that is likely to involve driver suspension.

NASCAR hopes this will level the playing field for all the drivers and their respective vehicles. We will see if Jimmie Johnson is just that good or if his Lowe’s #48 has been crushing PECs.