Dr. Pepper Sued For Malpractice

Dr. Qance Pepper, M.D.

Dr. Pepper is headed to court.

Fargo, ND—A former patient of local necrosurgeon Dr. Qance Pepper, M.D. is suing for malpractice due to what he’s calling a botched necroplasty. The plaintiff, Sextin Growshaft, is citing “extreme negligence” among other charges.

Growshaft, having been a huge fan of the Walking Dead comic book and television series, contacted Dr. Pepper last March to see if he was a candidate for necroplasty. “I love zombies and badly wanted to become one,” said Growshaft. “Dr. Pepper was seemingly the only option. I wanted him to turn me into a decaying foot-dragging brain-chewer but as it turns out, Dr. Pepper is nothing but a fraud.”

Dr. Pepper is the area’s premiere necrosurgeon having been performing necroplasty on willing patients for over a decade. “Necroplasty is, in every case, fatal, if performed correctly,” stated Dr. Pepper. “I’ve been sued countless times for malpractice due to the deaths my successful surgeries have caused. Now, to have a customer sue me for a botched procedure….well, this one really stings.”

The Observer has learned that Dr. Pepper plans to fight the lawsuit with his wife Diet Pepper by his side.