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New School For Gifted Children Requires Quantitative Proof That A Child Is Gifted

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Honeybrook School For The Gifted

West Fargo, ND – The “city on the grow” will soon be adding a brand new state-of-the-art school just for gifted children.

Honeybrook School will be the best school in the country for children of all ages who are deemed to be gifted.

Applicants will be rigorously tested and interviewed to determine which get admitted to Honeybrook School For The Gifted.

Based on their age, each applicant to Honeybrook will be tested and given a score of 1-10 in 25 different categories with the highest possible score being 250.

Here are the 25 categories an applicant will be scored in: ability to follow directions, abstract reasoning, activity level, alertness, attention span, concentration, creativity, critical thinking skills, curiosity, energy level, frustration level, imagination, interests, inventiveness, language, learning speed, memory, observation, problem-solving skills, processing of information, reactions to noise, reading, retention, sense of humor, and vocabulary.

Any child with a test score of 200+ will qualify to attend Honeybrook School For The Gifted.

In case you’re wondering, the team name at this school for the gifted is the Honeybrook Gifs (pronounced Jifs).

Amish Taking Applications For New ND Settlement

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Drive your very own Amish Cruiser.

Drive your very own Amish Cruiser.

Amishville, ND –  Have you been wishing for a simpler life? Looking to do some low-tech manual labor in a no-nonsense friendly rural setting?

The Amish Organization is opening a new settlement in North Dakota soon and is looking for some faithful new members to help grow the group.

Applicants simply need to send a humble picture of themselves along with a hand-written letter describing who they are, without ever using the words “I” and “me”.

Send your application information to Senior Elder Jakob Ammann who is most likely doing chores out at the new Amishville, North Dakota location.

New members who are invited to join are all group-baptized. They will then begin assigned humble chores, attend regular classes to learn Pennsylvania Dutch, and meet with Elders weekly to study Thee Ordnung (Amish Rules Of Order).

When ready to become full-fledged official members, there is the Feast Of The Elders.

This is a big celebration where all new members receive their Amish Membership Cards and learn the Secret Handshakes.

Then, Chief Elders declare Rumspringa, which is basically the one time everyone gets extremely drunk on potent Amish Rum. New members are encouraged to find a mate and engage in Rumspringa during this festive time.

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All new members receive a free cabin.

The following morning, new barns and cabins are quickly built and furniture making kicks into high gear by young and old alike.

Warning to new member-applicants: Any violations of the Amish Ordnung can potentially result in either (1.) being shunned by the community, or (2.) formal ex-communication from the entire settlement.

The most common reason for members being ex-communicated is unauthorized Rumspringa. If you’re lucky, you will only be shunned for a month.