And you thought 2017 was bad!

Badlands, ND – Even though 2018 could be a very good year, here are some indications that 2018 might not be so great for you:

10. You wake up with a hangover on January 1st to the sound of jail doors slamming shut.

9. You slowly figure out that that very last text you sent last night to your BFF affectionately saying “Happy Fucking New Year!” somehow got sent to everyone in your contact list.

8. You dream you’ve been hacked only to wake up to realize that everything you own has been encrypted.

7. You take your little Shih-Tzu for a walk and realize it’s not your little Shih-Tzu.

6. You see a murder of crows quietly sitting on your deck railing, each with a sign around their necks saying “You’re Next.”

5. A large cash-on-delivery package arrives at your front door and the guy is asking for $1,480 for what’s inside Box #1!

4. After a nice, long, phone conversation with your parents, you remember they both passed away back in the 90s.

3. You see a security camera picture of yourself on the local evening news asking to immediately call the police if you see this very dangerous armed person.

2. You take your entire family to see Star Wars and realize too late you’ve mistakenly gone to see Star Whores.

1. Algore now believes we are at the start of a 10,000-year Ice Age!