Tag Archives: big

Expert Now Believes Universe Began And Will Also End With A Big Bang

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If you like big fireworks, you will love being around for the final Big Bang! –Dr. Gabbin Fingal

Bangor, Maine – Dr. Gabbin Fingal now has good reason to believe that the universe will end just like it began.

Dr. Fingal’s highly scientific model of the universe has repeatedly shown that the original Big Bang of creation can and will very likely be eventually followed by a final Big Bang of total disintegration.

Dr. Gabbin Fingal in his own words:

“This is what i believe, and what I believe is this, Sir Isaac Newton’s third law which states that ‘every action has an equal and opposite reaction’ assuredly also applies to the universe’s creational Big Bang.”

“When will this happen? It depends on how you set your Universal Clock.“

Scientifically, all the letters in Gabbin Fingal can be exploded into: Final Big Bang!

Big Bird Dead At The Age Of Seventy

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Big Bird seen here walking with two of his grand-children just moments before he was struck by a texting distracted driver.

Sesame Street, NY – The world is mourning the passing of one of its favorite large birds.

Big Bird from Sesame Street died in his nest whilst surrounded by his family and close friends at the age of 70, which is like 150 in bird years.

The cause of death was firstly complications from the avian bird flu which then were secondarily compounded with having been hit by a distracted driver at 50 mph who felt it necessary to type LOL in response to a stupid joke.

No word yet on any funeral arrangements for what is expected to be a large group wanting to cry their goodbyes to Big Bird.

Pallbearers will include his best friend Mr. Snuffleupagus who says monetary gifts can be given to support your local PBS station during their upcoming fund drives since President Trump is imposing draconian cuts to the funding of the Public Broadcasting Service.

35-Foot Snake Possibly On The Loose In Moorhead

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A reward of free snakeskin boots will be given to the person who captures this extremely large snake which answers to the name “Slang”.

Moorhead, MN – Authorities not wanting to cause any sort of panic in the normally quaint city of Moorhead are quietly warning residents that a very large snake is unfortunately slithering around town.

The snake, whose name is Slang, somehow got loose while a local film crew was working on a new movie called Snake On The Plains.

While the movie-makers were having an extended smoke break to discuss the Carson Wentz situation, the unattended 35-foot armless reptile wandered off in the direction of Concordia College.

Dr. Thiv Simpkins is an expert Herpetologist: “This unusually large snake should pose no threat to the general public as long as it’s not hungry. Do you know what I’m saying?”

If you happen to come across Slang in your backyard or perhaps down in your basement, please remember that even though Slang is a movie star, it is still a 35-foot snake who maybe hasn’t eaten in a few days.