Tag Archives: cream

Joaquin Phoenix’s “Cries Of Anguish” Wins The Oscar For Best Picture

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The next time you pour milk on your cereal, think of the calf who should have gotten that milk.

Hollywood, CA – As expected, Joaquin Phoenix’s movie Cries Of Anguish won the Academy Award for Best Picture.

Cries Of Anguish is a wonderful movie about cows being artificially inseminated.

Then, the cow babies are stolen from their mommy cows for the veal industry, which prompts unmistakable Cries Of Anguish.

All of the stolen milk, which should have gone to the baby cows, is taken from the mommies, only to be put into our cups of coffee and onto cereal in your cereal bowl.

Joaquin Phoenix, in his powerfully delivered acceptance speech, showed that he is no joker when it comes to pointing out the wrongful entitlement that humans feel in order to inflict such violent acts against our bovine friends.

“Gray Stray Cat Virus” Now Infecting Some Home Computers

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Say hello to your new computer virus!

Cathead, Pennsylvania – A new computer virus called the Gray Stray Cat is on the prowl.

It silently lurks in waiting until unsuspecting computer users let down their guards.

How will you know if you have the Gray Stray Cat virus?

Oh, you’ll know! It will periodically pop its head up whilst giving you a nice long me-e-eow. Just be happy you didn’t get the barking dog virus!

How can you make it go away?

Stop giving it milk and then hire a computer-wise fourth grader from your neighborhood to carefully remove it from your infected computer.

Young Fargo Inventor Hits It Big On Shark Tank

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Smart Cream will cure what ails you!

Fargo, ND – On an upcoming Shark Tank show, a youthful Fargo inventor wows all five sharks and walks away with a mega deal.

The FM Observer received a brief notification about this breaking story with limited details.

What we do know is that twelve-year-old Kim Klug was offered $10 million from each of the five sharks for her Smart Cream.

Kim’s invention, when rubbed on skin, will cure whatever ails a person.

In Kim’s words: “My Smart Cream figures out what the problem is and then fixes it.”

With her Shark Tank deal, along with additional possibilities for some of her other inventions, Kim Klug could be a billionaire by her 13th birthday.

When we contacted Kim about her sudden success, here was her response:

“From a young age, my parents impressed on me the values that you work hard for what you want in life, that your word is your bond and you do what you say and keep your promise, that you treat people with respect. They taught and showed me values and morals in their daily lives. That is a lesson that I continue to pass along to others. And we need to pass those lessons on to the many generations to follow. Because we want our children in this nation to know that the only limit to your achievements is the strength of your dreams and your willingness to work for them.”