The Russians might use this recipe to make spare tires for their military trucks.
Moscow, Pennsylvania – With no evidence to back it up, President Trump is alleging that the Russians have hacked Krispy Kreme Doughnuts and stolen their secret recipe.
FM Observer: So, what do you think about the Russians supposedly hacking Krispy Kreme’s secret doughnut recipe?
President Trump: I think it’s a bad deal, a very bad deal, which must be investigated.
Krispy Kreme Founder Vernon Rudolph: Impeccable presentation is critical wherever Krispy Kreme is sold. We must produce a collaborative team effort and never get hacked.
Krispy Kreme CEO Michael Tattersfield: Since 1937, we have striven and strived to be the worldwide leader in sharing delicious tastes and creating joyful memories.
Gov. Chris Christie: I am quite panicked right now! If I donut have my six Krispy Kreme Doughnuts every day I might have to close down a major highway while I have a major panic attack.
President Putin: This whole thing is just a big hoax. However, if we did hack the Krispy Kreme Doughnut secret recipe, we could use it to make spare tires for our military jeeps.