Tag Archives: injury

Wounded Knee Could Leave Adrian Peterson A Paralegal For The Rest Of His Life

Adrian Peterson being assisted off the field since new home field forgot to buy a golf cart.

Adrian Peterson being assisted off the field since new home field stadium forgot to buy a golf cart.

Minneapolis, MN – After only seven quarters of football, Adrian Peterson’s 2016 season appears to be in serious jeopardy.

While Colin Kaepernick has been taking a knee during the National Anthem, Adrian Peterson is losing a knee, following in the footsteps of teammate Theodore Bridgewater, Jr.

After an underwhelming 12 carries for 19 yards against the visiting Packers, losing Adrian Peterson would be an overwhelming loss for the Vikings.

On a negative note, the game against the Green Bay Packers could leave Adrian Peterson as a paralegal with the Vikings for the rest of his life.

On a positive note, former Vikings defensive tackle Alan Page successfully embarked on a legal career after leaving the Vikings. Page went on to serve as an associate justice of the Minnesota Supreme Court from 1993 until retiring in 2015.

Even though the Vikings ultimately won their first game in their new stadium, with the loss of Adrian Peterson it seems to be a Pyrrhic victory.

Area Man Injured By Falling Gas Prices

Prices are falling everywhere.

Gas prices: falling all over the place

Fargo, ND—Local man Tarto Burstwalter is suing Phillip’s 66 after he claims he was hit by falling gas prices. The sudden drop was such a jolt that it left him paralyzed from the waist-down.

“Never saw this sharp a drop coming,” said Burstwalter from inside a hospital bed. “When the prices fell, I tried to get out of the way but couldn’t. I was hit. When I came to, I was in the hospital, couldn’t flex my ass cheeks and gas only cost two bucks.”

Burstwalter’s personal injury lawsuit against Phillip’s citing “extreme negligence” and “ass distress” is currently under review.