Tag Archives: maintenance

The Entire Internet Will Be Down For Maintenance This Weekend

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Internet Maintenance Task Force member contemplates what needs to be done.

Silicon Valley, CA – The Internet Maintenance Task Force has announced that the entire Internet will be down this weekend to perform some server maintenance and important system upgrades.

Luckily, this should only affect Saturday and Sunday, depending on where you live.

By Monday morning, the Internet should be rebooted and back up and running, for the most part. On Monday morning, there may still be some spotty intermittent outages in certain parts of the world.

Sorry for any inconvience this may cause, and thank you in advance for your understanding and patience.

Our apologies for the short notice, but some very important upgrades have been on hold for awhile now, and this weekend (and possibly next weekend) seemed to be a workable time-frame to get these things done.

Again, sorry for the inconvenience.

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Basic DOS Command Line will be available for emergencies.

FAQs:
Q: Will this affect the entire Internet?
A: Yes, this will affect the entire Internet.
Q: Will I still be able to Google any questions I need answered?
A: Yes, on Monday morning, you should be able to Google again.

In case of emergency, the command line will be available for entering basic DOS commands into the sub-net.

Another FMO Adult Education Class: Computer Maintenance

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Computer Maintenance is as easy as 1-2-3!

West Fargo, ND – The FM Observer is proud to bring you another free on-line adult education class.

We here at the FM Observer believe learning should never stop.

As Fred Robertson always says: “Instruction ends in the school-room but education ends only with life.”

In this latest installment of our free on-going on-line classes, we turn our attention to: Computer Maintenance.

Everyone knows that the best person to teach such a class is any random 4th grader from the area.

Spencer Haskins, who is 10 years old, has put together some great tips and tricks to help you with your computer. Enjoy!

  • To speed up your random access memory swaps, remove the hardrive with a pliers and scrub it down with some steel wool pads that have been soaked in warm rubbing alcohol.
  • A common mistake most computer owners make is to not take their new computer completely apart when they first remove it from┬áthe box.
  • To protect your computer from unwanted viruses, wrap it in a towel and then in a combination of duck tape and aluminum foil which should keep out those nasty malwares.
  • If your computer is running as slow as a government worker, try pouring some espresso onto the main power drivebox.
  • To switch out your spambox, first calibrate your functional load capacitator which should be listed on the motherboard back safety panel.
  • If you sense your computer is developing a negative capacity backload, try reloading the spark magnets which are available at any Ace hardware store.
  • To check your switchload relay box, remove the amp pad and rewire it over to the torsion bar equalizers.
  • Try to not let your cookies touch your firewall as you may experience a burning smell not unlike your doorbellbox on Halloween eve.
  • To calculate your overall bandwidth, carefully measure the width of your band and then multiple by the band thickness (measured in nanometers).
  • To clean your keyboard, hold it upside down with both paws and begin hitting it onto the edge of your kitchen counter until all the keytops have become unattached.
  • If your modem is running slowly, it could just┬ábe cold, so simply grab another analog and throw it on the firewall.