Tag Archives: morgue

Man Hit By Train In Stable Condition While Recovering At The Morgue

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Even tho you’re on the right track, you may be going the wrong direction. –Bob Dylan

Moorhead, MN – Police report that a man was hit by a train in Moorhead early this morning.

Officer Tarin Starck believes that 1. either the man did not know where he was walking, or 2. he knew but did not know a train was coming, or 3. he knew but thought he could jump out of the way, or 4. he for some reason could not jump from the tracks at the last minute, or 5. he had no plans to jump out of the way in the first place.

Luckily the man who was hit by a train in Moorhead is reported to be in stable condition while recovering nicely at the county morgue.

Ironically, all the letters in Tarin Starck can be re-arranged to spell: Train Tracks!

Former Sunmart Building Being Renovated Into House Of 1,000 Corpses

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morgue

Haunted grocer

Fargo, ND—What was once an affordable area grocery has been abandoned, gutted, haunted by ghosts and now faces plans for a rather frightening makeover. The building formerly known as Sunmart on 25th street and 13th avenue in South Fargo is being repurposed by Cass County as the new location for their House Of 1,000 Corpses.

The screams of the dead are sure to continue at 2425 13th Avenue as the county prepares to deposit copious mortal remains into the proposed bodybag bank.

“Honestly, it’s a perfect location for a massive carcass hut,” said county zoning chairman Greg Barnaby. “Given that the building is and has been possessed by an ancient evil for years since it’s been abandoned, nothing should change with the addition of 1,000 corpses.”

Proponents of Black Magic have been picketing the location with crudely-made Bring Out Your Dead signs ever since the screams of the deceased have been mysteriously heard coming from between what used to be the produce section and aisle five.

Architectural bids on this enormous overhaul are being collected as we speak. If you or your company are interested in building a House Of 1,000 Corpses, you are urged to call the Scary Planning and Zoning Commission at 1-900-EAT-DEAD.