Tag Archives: we fest

BigFoot Spotted Roaming WE Fest Area

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Arrow indicates where BigFoot slept.

Detroit Lakes, MN – Some call him BigFoot while others say Sasquatch. But all experts now agree that the overgrown Yeti now appears to be roaming around and sleeping in the Sioux Pass Ranch area, just in time for WE Fest.

Apparently driven out of Canada by the forest fires, BigFoot has been known to enjoy County Western music, beer, and snack foods.

So it comes as no big surprise that The Beast has shown up in the Detroit Lakes area just a few weeks before WE Fest starts to ramp up.

If you happen to encounter BigFoot in the Becker County forest, remember to not make direct eye contact with The Creature, and certainly do not mention anything about Obamacare.

In the past, Mr. Big has shown an affinity for Shania Twain songs, large bags of Doritos, and Heineken.

Woman Living In Hammock Above Fargo Park

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Hammock woman tells FMO reporter to "Fuck off!"

Hammock woman tells FMO reporter to “Fuck Off!”

Fargo, ND – One of our best junior reporters (who recently attended FMO Summer Camp) somehow discovered a woman living up in a hammock in Fargo’s Lindenwood Park.

Our on-the-scene reporter cleverly asked the lady why she was there, living in a hammock?

Her reply was that she was getting set up early for the WE Fest and wanted to “grab a good spot before they all were taken.”

After our reporter kindly informed her that the WE Fest is down by Detroit Lakes and not in Fargo, the stunned hammocker became quite irate and proceeded to drop multiple F-Bombs on our staffer while madly throwing empty tunafish cans down from her high-hanging hangout.

Moral of the story: Don’t mess with the WE Festers, especially when they’re high.

WE Fest Cancelled Due To Massive Disease-Carrying Tick Invasion

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Save Your Spleen in 2014

Save Your Spleen in 2014

Detroit Lakes, MN – The drunkenly popular WE Fest celebration of country music at the Soo Pass Ranch has been cancelled for 2014 due to serious health concerns.

The annual outdoor music festival was scheduled for August 7-8-9 but fans will have to wait until 2015 to see their favorite country music stars, such as Travis Tritt and Brad Paisley.

Minnesota health officials have discovered a massive infestation of ticks carrying a deadly disease which causes an acute inflammation of the spleen.

Dr. Willy Nilly of the CDC: “We have never seen such a large population of dangerous ticks like this before. The lovely meadows and woods surrounding the Soo Pass Ranch near Lake Sallie are literally crawling with ticks. They may have been recently transported here by federal agents bringing illegal aliens up to this region from the Texas border. The strain of spleenitis that these ticks are carrying basically causes an infected person to bleed to death within 48 hours.”

WE Fest organizers have changed this year’s slogan from “Living The Dream in 2014” to “Save Your Spleen in 2014”. They say that “all 2014 tickets will be honored in 2015 for the exact same line-up of country music sensations, such as: Jason’s Aldean and Ashley’s Monroe.”

“If folks do want to getogether this year somewhere besides the infested Soo Pass Ranch, we will have a karaoke contest every day in the parking lot of the Detroit Lakes Walmart, which will be hosted by Scotty McCreery of American Idol fame.”

UPDATE: This post is completely fictitious (not real). WE Fest 2014 has not been cancelled.

Click here for another exciting Dr. Willy Nilly post!