United Nations Hires Liam Neeson To Eliminate ISIS

Bye-bye forever, ISIS (or at least until the sequel)

Action movie star Liam Neeson has taken up a special assignment in between filming dominator action films.

At the behest of the United Nations and by special request of President Obama, Liam Neeson will seek out and destroy the terrorist cell known as ISIS.

Liam Neeson’s publicist, in a statement released yesterday:

“He doesn’t know who they are. He doesn’t know what they want. If they are looking for ransom, my client can say he doesn’t have money. But what he does have is a very particular set of skills, skills he has acquired over a very long acting career. Skills that make him a nightmare for people like them. If they quit terrorist activity now, that’ll be the end of it. He will not look for them, he will not pursue them. But if they don’t, he will look for them, he will find them, and he will kill them.”

Neeson acknowledges this as the pinnacle ass-kicking of his long, storied career of ass-kickings. “Throughout my time in film, I’ve fearlessly taken out enemies in many different countries on Earth, as well as in space and la-la land and what have you. This assignment will be no different…no different than the assignment of my lead character in my movie, Run All Night. Go see it, won’t you?”