BREAKING: Your Mortal Soul Now Belongs To This Warlock

Has your soul.

Fargo, ND—The Observer would like to regretfully inform you that your mortal soul, however puny and insignificant it may be, now belongs to this devious warlock.

Yes, you’re really screwed now. It was this whispering demon’s job to capture your body’s nucleus—your very essence—and he has done it.

Don’t you feel empty inside? Hasn’t a never-ending fatigue set in? Aren’t you consumed by anxiety and dread? That is because this warlock (pictured) is usurping your internal life-force. He’s drinking it away like a starving animal.

You never truly had a chance. He was coming for you, and there was no stopping him. All we can now do is wait until he finishes his reaping.