Bismarck, ND – With much of the national discussion being focused on mental health, North Dakota will proactively soon begin annually checking the mental health of each and every one of its citizens.
A new task force called MIND (Mentally Interrogating North Dakota) will do a thorough evaluation of all North Dakotans on their half birthdays.
Based on the official results of their mental examination, every person in North Dakota, over the age of nine (9) will be given one of three possible rankings:
Green Light: You are fine. No major mental problems were detected. See you again in one year, on your next half birthday. (For example: If your birthday is on April 15th, your mandatory mental exams will be every October 15th.)
Yellow Light: Some concerns were detected based on your responses to questions selected especially for you. You will need to be put on a MIND Watch List and retested monthly, until you are hopefully upgraded to a Green Light.
Red Light: A likely problematical situation was detected. You will be held for further testing to determine the magnitude of the problem. For your convenience, padded shuttle buses heading to Jamestown will be standing by.
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