Author Archives: Jill Burns

About Jill Burns

Jill is an animated and crabby person happy to write on the eccentricities of the world. I like pickles, bloody marys, pickles in bloody marys, sunsets, wine, and taste-testing wine.

Local Moms Gather For Nappy Hour

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imagesMoms from across the area are gathering today at 2 pm for the first ever Nappy Hour. This event consists of one hour in which moms come to take a nap. They are encouraged to bring a blanket, their pajamas, a mat, or whatever will help them get some sleep. Childcare is provided free of charge if you know someone who will provide it. The first Nappy Hour will be held today at Starbucks, corner of 7th St and 3rd Ave. Each month it will be held at a different venue.

Beatrice Witty, founder of Nappy Hour, says “I started Nappy Hour because moms are exhausted. Sometimes moms just want a mid-day nap too. And, moms are looking for excitement so I thought a different spot each month would help to encourage this. Each mom also gets their own choice of candy bar, so no need to sneak from their kids anymore.”

The next Nappy Hour is scheduled for February 3rd at the popular wine bar, The Vine. Moms are encouraged to stay after their nap for Happy Hour and can remain in their pajamas if preferred.

North Dakota Milk Children

Milk for Children Approved

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In a stunning turn of events, the ND Legislature approved milk for  under-served children at milk break.

“Initially we felt these children were just out of luck, and they could just have water if their parents can’t afford milk” commented a Representative. “With a billion dollar surplus we felt budget allocations were best served in other important areas such as oil and infrastructure.

These concepts are the future. Although these remain our top priorities, we felt it was in the best interest of our hearts for these kids to have milk,” said another Representative.

Yes folks, not only did the Grinch’s heart grow two sizes so did those of the ND Legislature.

Repetitive Phone Calls Encourage Civic Duty

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I would like to publicly give a “thumbs up” and thank those people that made the multitude of repetitive phone calls to remind me to vote. Since I have been living under a rock for about a year, I have had no knowledge of the political television ads. Thanks to all these phone calls, I will remember to exercise my civic duty to get out and vote! In addition, because the rock I was living under was extraordinarily large, I didn’t notice the massive amount of paper in the form of political advertising in my mailbox. Since the rock was hard to move, I got lazy and let my mail pile up. But, thanks to all the phone calls I will now remember to vote! Thanks!!

Come Ready to Party, Leave Drunk and Stupid.

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North Dakota Tourism Ad is Scandalous!

Leave a Legend? As a young woman with many male friends, I would just like to say that the new North Dakota Tourism ad is outrageous! North Dakota people don’t go out “on the town!” What is so wrong with the reality of being confined inside our cabins all winter warming up to the pellet stove, doing our laundry over the hot fire, churning butter, and eating our hand-salted meat we prepared and stocked for the winter months? Why do North Dakota leaders continually try and market my state this way?

Once the snow melts I can’t wait to put on my bonnet, lace up my shoes, and run amongst the wildflowers in the tall meadow with my tin lunch pail. My horse and buggy is ready to go out for a good gallop across the country too because I’m running out of baking supplies for my pies and material for my girls’ dresses. To the North Dakota Department of Commerce: Do please stop printing this outlandish material about my beloved state! We are who we are, and we most certainly do not hit the streets and party like this. If something like this is printed again at least cover up the shoulders and knees on those young girls. By the way, I’d like to know where they got the dresses? Those don’t even exist.

Ugh, just scandalous!

Texting Has Replaced the Voice With Area Youth

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Fargo, ND – Earmuffs are ugly and can be expensive. Texting is quicker and cheaper. The youth of this area and probably country have determined that texting has now replaced all form of voice communication.

One area youth said “Texting is the way to go. I can’t stand listening to crap. My ears hurt from all that jibber jabber. I went through two pairs of earmuffs to drown out the crap people want to tell me. I lost the first pair, and the second pair I borrowed to my friend, but he lost those too. That’s fine because I don’t need to use my voice anyways. Hey, I’m just a kid and I can’t afford buying any more earmuffs. I can text all day on the cell phone my parents pay for. Besides, I know I won’t need to talk in the working world. After college I plan to be CEO within five years in my corner office with a panoramic view while I manage people through email. My mom said that her boss who sits right next to her “can’t even get up from his fat ass” and ask her a question. He just emails. My dad’s boss doesn’t hold regular staff meetings anymore. People just make sure their phones are on. The boss sends a mass message and people reply here and there from there. Sometimes these meetings will go on for days. Actually, one time it lasted almost a month. If this is how the world is going I’m excited.”

A second area youth also agreed that talking face to face is a major irritation. “My voice hurts. I have spent so much lunch money at the pop machine trying to get my voice back. Texting is so awesome because I can text my friends all day during class and still whoop it up at basketball games. Without texting I can’t be obnoxious and annoy all the annoying parents. And pretty sure it would not be cool to show up in earmuffs to the basketball games.”

The last area youth I spoke with said that despite the rise in earmuff sales, she will not jump on this fashion bandwagon. “Earmuffs, I don’t think so. I can’t wear those to the beach while I show off my new swimsuit!” She further stated, “My friend called me up last weekend to go shopping. Uh, what was that? Like, doesn’t she realize I don’t even answer my phone calls? She’s not my friend anymore.”

Parents please do not even try and talk to your kids. There is a new app out there that is being downloaded in record numbers. When your child texts, a signal is sent up through the arm to the ear and all voice communication is muted. Be aware that if you talk to your children and they don’t respond, this app might very well be installed on the cell phone.

Footnotes:

*Jibber Jabber refers to all form of human voice communication.

*These interviews were conducted strictly through texts. None of the youths would agree to speak to me on the phone or in person.

*I have received numerous slander lawsuits claiming earmuff sales have hit a slump because I made a comment that earmuffs are ugly. I don’t personally think earmuffs are ugly. I was simply stating the consensus of those interviewed.