Category Archives: Technology

Win A New Robot For The New Year

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Win me and I will win your heart.

West Fargo, ND – It is time once again for some lucky person or family to have a chance to Win-A-Robot.

This particular robot is programmed to do multiple tasks such as: lift your car, crack an egg, answer the doorbell, call 9-1-1, mix a drink, walk your dogs, and give long massages.

His name is Robert Paulson and his model number is RPX2015.

Robert likes witty conversation, walks along the beach, watching old movies, and meeting new friends.

Listen to some others who’ve Won-A-Robot:

Arden Haug said: “Instead of cleaning up after them, they clean up after you. I love my robot even though it’s quite OCD.”

Vivian Rude admits: “Things were kind of rough at first but then we started seeing eye to eye once we determined who was the boss.”

Lucy Mimster told us: “I can’t believe I was able to survive all those years without my robot, who now has become part of our family especially during the Holidays.”

So, sign up now to Win-A-Robot. Finalists will be researched, studied, and psycho-analyzed by Robert who will ultimately pick the winner of this year’s Win-A-Robot contest.

Apple iDine Designs Leaked

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appleCupertino, CA — As excitement builds for the release of the iPhone 6, Apple software designer John Feltzbar accidentally released plans for the iDine collection scheduled to go on sale next summer.

iDine will consist of three revolutionary new products that will surely change the way the world eats in coming years: the iPlate, iCup and iChair. No longer will iDine users rely on their own discretion before over-eating or drinking. The technology monitors the temperature and exact amount of food and drink consumed by the user, and can even identify what the user is eating.

Apple secretly began testing in March, 2013, but those lucky enough to test the new products were so impressed that they couldn’t keep their mouths shut.

“It was amazing,” guinea pig Marc Ulrik said. “I sat in the chair and it told me exactly how much I weighed — I mean, who thinks of this stuff. Then, after devouring a plate of meatballs, the iPlate told me that I just ate too much meatballs and my blood pressure was probably going to rise. This is life saving stuff, man.”

While the iDine is meant to help Americans track their eating habits and realize how insanely much they over-eat, Apple’s testing sessions showed that users actually ate and drank more when using iDine.

“It was like playing Angry Birds when it first came out,” lab rat Lindsey Hiltin said. “Once I started eating off the iPlate and drinking out of the iCup I just couldn’t stop, it was addicting.”

The only useful information Apple gained from testing was from a 6-year-old boy who said “iCup” really means “I see you pee.” Even after becoming aware of this phenomenon Apple kept the name anyway, with the confidence that no one would catch on.

Following the release of the iCup designs, Coors Brewing Company filed a lawsuit over stolen intellectual property. Coors claims Apple stole the idea to have a cup that shows the temperature of the liquid inside.

“What do you think it means when the mountains turn blue on a Coors can?” Coors Spokesmen Carl Beamer asked. “It means that your beer is either cold or super cold. If that’s not telling the temperature then I don’t know what is.”

Apple retorted by saying “cold” and “super cold” aren’t actual temperatures, but refused to comment further.

While rumors fly back-and-forth after the release of the designs, it seems the only voice not heard recently is that of information leaker himself. Feltzbar has not been seen or heard from since releasing the information. Apple only had this to say:

“Apple employee John Feltzbar has been relocated to the Apple farm.”

Many Fargo Homes Choosing To Go “Off The Grid”

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How safe is our national power grid?

Fargo, ND – Have you been considering becoming independent from the local power grid and avoiding those monthly bills? Did a large branch just fall in your backyard and wipe out your power lines and you’re wondering what to do? Would you like to be able to survive a national power grid crisis while others sit in the dark?

Well, you’re not alone. Many of your neighbors are taking some easy steps to enjoy life “off the grid”:

Go with 2×6 wall studs, good insulation and 4×8 plywood panels. Slope all plumbing back towards a drain or cistern.

Get yourself a couple of 170 watt solar panels on top, the right batteries in protected storage underneath, a good charge controller, a 2kw inverter, lots of fluorescents and LEDs, a ceiling fan, 12V water pump from a cistern, propane hot water and stove, an in-wall fanless propane heater with a thermostat for those nights when you don’t want to stoke the airtight wood stove, and a 30 gallon propane tank. Be able to turn everything on with a couple of switches.

Your “off the grid” system will act just like a house on the grid, including toaster, microwave, coffee maker, vacuum cleaner and all (used judiciously to conserve power).

USS Enterprise Coming To Fargo Airport

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Beam me up, Scotty!

Fargo, ND – Whether you’re a faithful fan of Star Trek or not, everyone can get excited about an upcoming visit to Fargo by a famous legendary icon.

The starship USS Enterprise (NCC-1701) is scheduled to come to Fargo for the next AirShow. Captain Kirk’s famous space cruiser will be landing at the Fargo Airport.

You and your whole family will be able to come aboard the actual USS Enterprise and explore it from the inside. Go up to the bridge to sit in the captain’s chair and maybe even honk the horn.

Some of the original crew members will be coming along to answer any questions that you might have. Star Trekers Spock, Sulu, Uhura, and Chekov are all planning on making the trip to Fargo to explore strange new worlds and to seek out new life and civilizations.

Lt. Ross Cooper is the official event scheduler for the USS Enterprise. “After travelling to all parts of the universe, we realized that our beloved starship has never been to Fargo, North Dakota”, he says.

“Hopefully folks in Fargo will be as excited about our visit as we all are. Please stop by to see this amazing starship out at the Fargo Airport. We can even beam you aboard so you don’t have to walk up all the stairs.”

leatherman charge tti

Multi-tools Review

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If you didn’t know, I just recently got back from a trip to the Democratic Republic of Congo.  I have been looking at vacation/retirement property there for a while now.  During my trip I got to use a variety of different multi-tools.  Below I will show the ones I had the pleasure of using and then make my own suggestions on how to improve it.

1. Leatherman Charge TTi

leatherman charge tti

When Leatherman made the Charge TTi, they combined all of the most requested features into one functional tool. The TTi’s premium comfort-sculpted titanium handle scales and an S30V® stainless steel clip-point knife to really take this multi-tool to the next level. Who says a multi-tool can’t be sexy?

  • PRIMARY BLADE LENGTH: 2.9 in | 7.37 cm
  • CLOSED LENGTH: 4 in | 10 cm
  • WEIGHT: 8.2 oz | 232 g

Suggestions To Improve: Add a gas powered chainsaw.  Situated next to the minisaw, Leatherman should add a real gas powered chainsaw to its blade arsenal.  The minisaw is not suitable to cut down large adult trees.  When your life is on the line lost in the wooods, building a tree house is your first priority and a gas powered chainsaw will help you do just that.

 

2. 4-In-1 Woodsman

zippo multitool

Woodsman 4-in-1 Tool. It chops, saws, pounds and pulls. An Axe, Bow Saw, Mallet and Stake Puller… you get them all! So you can cut through a tangle of brush and tree limbs, set up and take down a tent or blind, and conquer just about anything else that crops up when you’re in the wild. From camping to survival: Steel Hatchet has 5″ blade; 15″ Bow Saw cuts oak up to 4″ in diameter; Mallet helps you put up tent in a hurry… even when ground is hard; Stake puller gets you on the road sooner.

  • Product Dimensions: 2 x 21 x 9 inches ; 3.4 pounds

Suggestions To Improve: I think the only thing missing from this bad boy is to add an electric leaf blower.  When camping out in the wild, there are always those pesky leaves falling around your campsite.  With this, you would never have to worry about a leaf ridden camp site again.  It will also work as a bear protector.  If a bear stumbles upon your campsite, blowing leaves at him has been proven to be an effective solution.

 

 3. Trucker’s Friend Survival Tool

Truckers Friend

The USA-made Trucker’s Friend is an all-purpose tool, built tough and specifically designed to meet the needs of professional truck drivers. But it’s so much more. In any situation that requires hacking, prying, pulling or pounding, you will feel real peace of mind with this serious tool on board. The Trucker’s Friend is backed by a no-hassle Lifetime Replacement Guarantee.

  • Handy all-purpose hand tool designed for professional truck drivers
  • Cut branches, pry loose nails, chip away hard-packed ice, and more
  • Includes curved axe, spanner, hammer, nail puller, tire chain hook, pry bar and lever
  • Shock-absorbing power grip and fiberglass handle
  • Made in the USA

Suggestions To Improve: This handy dandy ax is the perfect truckers companion.  Adding two katana blades would complete this multi-tool.  When the axe portion of this multi-tool doesn’t work fighting off multiple robbers, disengaging the katana blades will make quick work of your attacker.  Push button pepper spray added to the top of the axe would allow you to blind your attacker before cutting him apart with an axe.

 

4. Tactical Tomahawk

tactical tomohawk

The original Vietnam Tomahawk, SOG’s F01T-N Tactical Tomahawk is the latest incarnation of one of history’s most unusual weapons. This versatile piece of equipment handles a number of tasks including excavation, operations breaching, obstacle removal, and extraction, which makes the F01T-N an ideal tool for military and service personnel.

  • Use this versatile tool for breaching operations, excavation, obstacle removal, extraction, and other utility applications
  • Glass-reinforced nylon handle with 2.75-inch stainless steel ax head
  • Tough ballistic polymer handle and nylon carry sheath
  • An innovative, updated version of the Vietnam Tomahawk
  • Length: 15.75-inches; weight: 24-ounces; lifetime warranty

Suggestions To Improve: A tomahawk tool is a must have survival tool.  When you’re lost in the woods, this tomahawk is the perfect companion to take over villages or little cities along the way.  I’d like to see a specialized gland or pouch attached to the bottom of this tomahawk to deliver a healthy dose of venom to the blade.  This way, when you’re slicing your way to conquest and victory, your victims have a chance of dying a more terrible death.

How To Build An Underground Bunker

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Build your very own underground bunker!

Your Town, USA – In our on-going effort to bring you free adult education classes, the FM Observer is proud to present our next, in a series of lessons for modern day survival.

This article focuses on “How To Build Your Own Underground Bunker”.

Like us, if you have ever desired to live in a unique home, and also wanted to have the CIA-type security of an underground bunker, this lesson is just for you.

Underground bunkers come in all shapes and sizes and can range from small storage bunkers to entire living facilities equipped with beds, food, and beer.

Whatever your paranoia, an underground bunker is sure to solve your problems, and give you and your family the peace-of-mind you seek.

Here are a few simple steps to build your very own underground bunker:

1. Design your underground bunker. Plan your work before you work your plan.

2. Build it yourself or hire a qualified contractor. Make sure you find someone who can keep a secret.

3. Ensure that your underground bunker is safe and well lit. Check for improper ventilation and avoid a roof collapse.

4. Stock your underground bunker with everything that you and your loved ones will need. Take a trip to Sam’s Club and buy at least $250 of supplies, including water, non-perishable foods, and Advil.

5. Enjoy your underground bunker for the rest of your natural life!

Please feel free to send in photos of your underground bunker to the FM Observer. We’ll show you ours, if you show us yours.

ipad

Evolution of The Tablet PC

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Since the iPad made its debut in 2010, a list of other companies have been pumping out tablets as well.  However, way back in 2002, Windows launched the stylus-based Windows XP Tablet PC but it failed to catch the consumers attention though at the time.

I always say to people, “Why don’t you just get a laptop?  It has a keyboard and more functions.”  I’m always answered with a blank stare and a, “but it’s a tablet” response.

In 2010 the iPad was released.  This allowed you to replace your toilet magazines with digital versions.  Truly remarkable.

ipad

 

 

Samsung was soon to follow with the Samsung Galaxy Tab and the Motorola Xoom in 2011.  Today we have a whole host of manufacturers pumping out tablets.

AND NOW……they are releasing all kinds of accessories such as tablet keyboards.  That’s right.  Keyboards.  You just transformed your tablet into a damn computer!

tablet_keyboard

So instead of buying a laptop in the first place, people bought a tablet and are now spending money to convert it into basically back into a laptop.  Makes total sense. Am I right?

What’s that?  You want some speakers now for your tablet?  Here you go.

tablet_speakers

 

Now you have a tablet with a keyboard and speakers.  What do they call those?  LAPTOPS.  How about this.  Why don’t you just buy a damn laptop already?

The tablet has now evolved back into a laptop.

Google To Image Inside Of All Homes

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Google Home-View coming to your place

Google Home-View coming to your place

Mountain View, CA – Google recently announced that their controversial Street-View cameras will soon be coming into your home. Ready or not, your home or apartment will have a Google Home-View camera probe and document your personal dwelling space.

This stunning announcement came from the main Googleplex campus near San Jose, California. Google spokesperson Rosemary Belch said: “Think of this as a colonoscopy of your home.”

With state-of-the-art equipment, a Google Home-View representative with a back-mounted 9-directional digital camera will enter your home unannounced.

By law, you must allow the Google representative to enter your residence. Heat-sensing lenses will show them if anyone is trying to hide inside the home. If your house or apartment is unattended, they will enter on their own, with a universal key.

Once inside, they will quickly send high-definition panoramic pictures of your entire living space up to one of many orbiting Google satellites. Some selected homes will be photographed in 3-D images.

Ms. Belch explained: “Since the Street-View cameras already have the outside of your home, now with the addition of complete Home-View images, the entire world will not only know where you live, but also how you live.”

The uses for the Home-View images will be endless, claims Google. Everyone from law enforcement to insurance companies to potential burglars will benefit from seeing a panoramic tour of your living place.

If you happen to be at home when your Home-View imaging is being done, you are asked to simply sit in your favorite chair and smile for the cameras.