Lady Gaga To Bring Performance Art Tour To Fargo

February 6th, 2017 | by Nick

Lady Gaga, shown here alongside her malformed pet wildebeest Vivian. Vivian suffers from bovine dwarfism, leaving her mandible, horns and legbones much smaller in stature compared to a normal wildebeest.

Fresno, CA – Stage performer Lady Gaga, fresh off one of the most scintillating Super Bowl halftime show performances of the modern era, has formally announced that she will embark on a nationwide “performance art” tour.

The tour, nicknamed the “Gaga-Lactic” tour, will include live shows with Gaga dressed like a Slovakian milk farmer and a misshapen wildebeest moonlighting as a cow.

Gaga and Vivian will perform previously unheard material with songs like:

  • Cow Are You?
  • Milk My Soul To Death
  • If I Cud, I Would
  • Udderly Amazed
  • Moo Over, I Can’t Breathe
  • You’re My Better Calf
  • Lactose Tolerance
  • Morning Teat

The show’s Fargo stop will occur at FargoDome the night before the night before the week after the summer solstice, which is coincidentally the anniversary of the very first Holstein cow milking as observed on the ancient Celtic Calendar as the Great Lactic Dawn.

Tickets for this tawdry event, if you can get them, go on sale two weeks from three days after yesterday.

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