Meth Revealed To Be Totally Awesome In Small Doses

Fargo, ND—A recent study concludes that methamphetamine, the horribly corrosive and addictive narcotic, is said to be “totally awesome” in small doses.

Researchers at the Fargo Institute of Technology (FIT) conducted internal field studies using meth they obtained “discreetly” and have determined it can be used “sporadically” with very positive results.

“Methamphetamine, or “meth” as it is commonly called, can be synthesized using over-the-counter medications and if consumed at the proper frequency, can really energize a person, thus making them drastically happier and more productive.” FIT said in a report released today. It went on to say that “Meth is much more powerful than caffeine, and if used on an infrequent basis in a controlled environment it can and does produce overwhelmingly powerful results.”

The proper frequency is stated to be “less than once per hour, on an as-needed basis” in order to control addiction. If used in this frequency, meth is reported by FIT to be “totally fucking awesome” and “kicks ass dude you wouldn’t believe it.”