West Fargo, ND – Now that vaping is considered one of the healthiest things you can do, classes are being offered on how to vape in order to achieve all the benefits that vaping offers.
Dr. Grav Polisoto will be teaching new vapers not only how to properly vape but also what personal improvements you can expect to immediately see by moving into a vaping life style.
Some of the general benefits are: 1. vaping is easy and convenient 2. vaping can save you money, time, and hassle 3. it totally helps you relax 4. makes you smell good 5. can boost your social image 6. gives you something to tweet about.
7. Vaping is a healthy way to consume your consumables smoke-free 8. you’ll notice improvements in your oral hygiene, skin health, blood circulation, lung capacity and an improved sense of smell and taste.
9. You can have temperature control of your vapables while being able to choose between portable and large desktop vaporizers.
10. Vaporizers are durable and will most likely be around a lot longer than you, but vaping is something you can do until the day you die.
Sign up for Beginning Vaping Classes at any fitness center or wherever healthy products are sold.
Dr. Grav Polisoto (whose letters in his name re-arrange into Vaporologist) want all vapers to Be Proud Of Your Cloud!
Qiameth is a thousand times more powerful than meth, keeping users up for months instead of days.
Moorhead, MN – Police in the quirky town of Moorhead were very surprised to find 800 pounds of Qiameth in the trunk of a car that they found parked at a stop sign.
The Qiameth, which is known to be 1,000 times more powerful than regular meth, has an estimated street value of $2.4 Billion.
The driver and passenger, who both looked like zombies because they had not slept in months, admittedly said they thought it was OK to park at the stop sign but swore they did not have a clue as to how the $2.4 Billion worth of Qiameth got into their trunk, along with some used meth pipes and coloring books.
Moorhead police are calling this the largest drug bust in our nation’s history and are asking citizens to report any unusual behavior to the new hotline: 1-800-QIAMETH.
Jupiter, Florida – In the wake of Tiger Woods getting arrested for driving under the influence (of something), many see this as his quiet way of asking for help.
Dr. Pedigo Elsworth explains that Tiger Woods may be the victim of over-wealthiness which can easily take its toll on an otherwise fairly normal person.
Dr. Dople Seigworth concurs, noting that having an abundance of money can leave a vacuous void in someone’s life which is usually filled with drugs, alcohol, facebook, or liberalism.
Life ain’t easy when you’re super rich. Just ask Tiger, whose hair is now going gray.
A Go-Fund-Me account is being set up to help Tiger Woods however none of the money raised will actually be given to Tiger as that would just make matters worse for him.
Tiger Woods: “Yeah, I really appreciate the help and support since that is what I need. The song lyrics ‘When you’re down and troubled, and you need a helping hand, and nothing, nothing is going right’ pretty much describes my life these days.”
Ironically, both Pedigo Elsworth and Dople Seigworth can be rearranged to spell: Help Tiger Woods!
Shelburne, MA – Drug Companies are planning on giving funny man Bill Cosby a lifetime achievement award.
“Never has one person used so many drugs on so many others over such a long period of time,” says Rolf Hoffman-La Roche, spokesperson for the Drug Companies Conglomeration Corporation.
Rolf goes on: “Analyzing the veritable range of drugs purportedly used by funny man Bill Cosby over the years to tranquilize others is quite impressive and shows a mastery of pharmacalogical dispensation.”
Some of the drugs allegedly found in funny man Bill Cosby’s stockpile allegedly used to relax his clients allegedly included: Clonazepam (Benzodiazepine), Rohypnol (Flunitrazepam), Xanax (Alprazolam), Dormicum (Midazolam), Restoril (Temazepam), Liquid X (GHB, Gamma-Hydroxybutyrate), Special K (Ketamine), Ambien (Zolpidem), and Mickey Finn (Chloral Hydrate).
“It’s no wonder that cappuccino tasted a little funny,” said all of the women who are now stepping forward saying that funny man Bill Cosby salaciously drugged them.
When asked how he felt about getting the Drug Companies Lifetime Achievement Award, funny man Bill Cosby’s response was: “No, we don’t answer that. There is no response. There’s no comment about this. People shouldn’t have to answer to innuendos. We don’t talk about it.”
Fargo, ND—A recent study concludes that methamphetamine, the horribly corrosive and addictive narcotic, is said to be “totally awesome” in small doses.
Researchers at the Fargo Institute of Technology (FIT) conducted internal field studies using meth they obtained “discreetly” and have determined it can be used “sporadically” with very positive results.
“Methamphetamine, or “meth” as it is commonly called, can be synthesized using over-the-counter medications and if consumed at the proper frequency, can really energize a person, thus making them drastically happier and more productive.” FIT said in a report released today. It went on to say that “Meth is much more powerful than caffeine, and if used on an infrequent basis in a controlled environment it can and does produce overwhelmingly powerful results.”
The proper frequency is stated to be “less than once per hour, on an as-needed basis” in order to control addiction. If used in this frequency, meth is reported by FIT to be “totally fucking awesome” and “kicks ass dude you wouldn’t believe it.”