Tag Archives: clone

Fargo Man Accused Of Illegally Cloning Dachshunds For Profit

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Just imagine, hundreds of Dachshunds all named Pickles!

Fargo, ND – Mr. Clemont Dill of rural Fargo is being charged with the illegal cloning of a Dachshund.

He supposedly has cloned his favorite dog, Pickles, over 250 times.

Mr. Dill claims that Pickles has won many Best-In-Show awards and that he simply wanted to make some extra cash by selling Pickles to others.

At $200 per clone, Clemont would pocket roughly $50,000.

Unfortunately, cloning Dachshunds is a felony under North Dakota law.

Mr. Dill’s attorney is insistent that his client is completely innocent of all charges, although he does agree that there are many Dachshunds on the Dill property which all look exactly the same and who all respond to the name Pickles.

The New Duplicator Machine Can Duplicate Anything!

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Whatever you put in here, you will get two! Now available wherever machines are sold!

Whatever you put in here, you will get two! Now available wherever machines are sold!

Dupo, Illinois – If you were waiting for the next new big thing by way of inventions, wait no longer. What some may think is straight out of an episode of Star Trek, is now a reality.

Brought to you by the same folks who brought you time travel, The DupliTron 3000® allows Joe Consumer to virtually and literally clone anything he can cram inside.

Just imagine being able to create a back-up of that beautifully expensive engagement ring you just purchased for your future ex-wife. Simply put it in The DupliTron 3000® and presto, you now have two!

Here’s how it works: You place an object inside the DupliCation Chamber, close the door, set your DupliCation Coordinates on full blast then hit the ‘Start’ button. The DupliTron 3000® then arranges your item’s molecular structure in just such a way that it clones each and every atom. Presto! You now have two of the same object!

Here’s what some stunned people are saying about The DupliTron 3000®:

“I am totally stunned,” said Merv Bankwood from Golden Grove, AZ.

“Seeing is believing but I still don’t,” admitted Blanche Paterson from Ronco, TX.

“Maybe I’ll buy two of them!” opined JJ Tatonio from Hato Candal, CA.

Inventors of the DupliTron 3000® strongly advise against attempting to clone anything twice. Don’t be greedy! This will result in a loss of fidelity much like what happens at the Pet Sematary. Any twice-cloned items will come out disfigured and rank with pure evil. Do not do this! You can’t sue the company if you’re dead.

Look for your DupliTron 3000® at any stores where cool stuff is sold. With your very own duplication machine, your imagination is the only limit!

Cloned Cloners Create Two-Headed Mule

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Researchers now able to clone two-headed animals say humans are next.

Researchers now able to clone two-headed animals say humans are next.

Madison, WI – After one researcher bet that it could not be done, another had to prove him wrong.

At the University of Wisconsin Cloning Center, history has once again been made. Two researchers, who are each a clone of the famed Scottish biologist Ian Wilmut who created Dolly the cloned sheep, have collaborated to expand the limits of what can be.

Their resulting creation is two identical cloned heads of the same original mule attached together at opposite ends of the same body.

Its creators note that it’s quite interesting to watch Ying-Yang trying to decide which direction to walk.

The entire cloning world is obviously abuzz about the endless possibilities. Their thinking now is: If we can do this, we can do pretty much anything!

“If we’re at the point where two cloned researchers can create a two-headed mule just while cloning around, the only limit to what we can do is our imaginations” says Dr. Brave Neworld, Executive Director of the newly named Cloning Around Center.