Your kid?

Moorhead, MN—Local terror attraction Haunted Corn Maze is in search of blonde-haired, pale-faced, ghoulish children for its upcoming Children Of The Corn exhibit. Area parents, take heed: if you think your prepubescent adolescent fits the criteria of a leering horror child, have him or her line up for an audition!

Corn Maze is looking for 10-20 creeptacular grade-schoolers to wear white contacts and fill a special area of the darkened cornfield. “We’re looking for the weirdest possible small young humans,” says Maze Coordinator Xinder VinReaux. “Don’t apply unless your child is visibly troubling and carries an aura of general unease.”

VinReaux is high on standards, but easy on expectations. “All the kids have to do is stand there motionless and gawk at our patrons while the tour guide tells the story of how each child murdered his or her parents in a blind, painless rage before being excommunicated to our cornfield.”

Qualifying children will receive a year’s supply of Whizzers® and season passes to the Corn Maze.