Tag Archives: dakota magic

Other States Envious Of South Dakota’s Clever New Meth Slogan

In South Dakota, there are lots of great places and great spaces…to make meth.

Methadone, SD The rest of the country was immediately jealous after South Dakota recently unveiled its incredible new state slogan: Meth–We’re On It!

This extraordinarily catchy phrase was the result of extremely long brainstorming binges followed by much tweaking and re-tweaking until South Dakota finally got it right.

If you’re curious, here are some of the other great slogans that South Dakota came up with, which unfortunately did not make the final cut:

All roads in South Dakota lead to meth.
Prometheus loves South Dakota!
South Dakota doesn’t meth around.
L E T   M E   T H I N K
Our favorite stone is Amethyst.
Don’t say yeth to meth.
Methamatics is all about numbers.
South Dakota is tweaking its methodology.
Come visit South Meth-kota!
There’s a method to our madness.
Avoid death. Avoid meth. Avoid South Dakota.
South Dakota’s in a hell of a meth.
Today methinks. Yesterday methought.
Methodists worship South Dakota.
There’s something about South Dakota.
Join us for lunch in our meth hall.
Our new name is Meth Dakota.
Why does meth rhyme with death?
We teach meth in our skools.
Don’t meth up your life like we did.
We’re cracking our meth problem.
Help us save Planet Meth.
Mind over meth matters.
We won’t sleep till we solve our meth problem.
Meth can make your mind go South.
Say yeth to not doing any more meth.
Do you mind if we meth around?
South Dakota: Great meth. Grave death.

The Orb Is Now Available Wherever Cool Things Are Sold

The Orb knows all.

Potter, WI – If you like ordering cool things online that are even cooler when you open the box, then Google’s new Hairy Potter Magical Orb is for you.

Tech-sperts are raving about The Orb and predicting that it could soon replace the need for Siri, Alexa, and smartphones.

Not only does it answer any and all questions you may have, but also acts as a communication device which does not need any keyboard since it can read your mind.

Google’s new Hairy Potter Magical Orb can answer any questions about the past, show what’s currently happening in the present, and accurately predict the future.

The only thing it cannot do is serve you breakfast in bed, although many people do like to sleep with The Orb.

Casino Owner Smothered To Death By Huge Pile Of Your Gambled Money

601640

Mildred Bong Maxomer

Hankinson, ND—A pillar of the Hankinson community is gone. Locals mourn the loss of Wurlot Bong Maxomer, Co-Chief Operating Officer of Dakota Gaming Enterprises, which holds a stake in Dakota Magic Casino & Resort & Hotel.

County coroner’s initial report states that Wurlot died of “monetarial asphyxiation”, meaning he was smothered to death by an enormous pile of cash.

An excerpt from his eulogy, delivered by his lovely wife Mildred:

“…Wurlot was old-fashioned. He was highly suspicious of banks, so he kept all the casino earnings in big, fat wads of hundred-dollar bills. There got to be so much money that we had to pile it up in neatly stacked cash castles throughout our gigantic mansion. It was one of these cash castles that did Wurl in. He went to adjust the very top row of a 15-foot-high castle then lost his balance and fell into it. The Benjamins tower toppled onto him and smooshed him. Oh, it was gruesome! There was Benjamins and guts and Benjamins covered in guts and guts with Benjamins stuck to them. It was everywhere! The dog was licking some of it up. My Wurlot. He died doing what he loved: using your money.”

The District Attorney is expected to file a class-action “wrongful death” lawsuit against casino patrons, claiming that gamblers willfully contributed to the death of Mr. Bong Maxomer via a long series of free-will donations.