Tag Archives: janitor

New Business Called “Janitors On Steroids” Coming To Fargo-Moorhead Area

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If you call now, instead of just one Janitor, we’ll send you two “Janitors On Steroids”!

Fargo, ND – With the ever-growing economy in the FM area, the need for excellent janitorial services grows with it. The FM Observer is proud to announce that we have personally invited a new business called “Janitors On Steroids” to soon move into our area.

Local businesses and homes in needs of “the best janitorial services on the planet” will soon be able to call “Janitors On Steroids” to sign up for a variety of assistance plans, including: Basic Window Washing, A-to-Z Kitchen Cleaning, or the famous Full House Top-to-Bottom Package.

What are some happy customers saying about “Janitors On Steroids”?

Emily Duckens admits: “These guys are good. Fast, friendly, and thorough!”

Wanda Psychs tweeted: “OMG! As soon as they’re done cleaning, I want them back again.”

Krystal Balle says: “Each one can lift a ton!”

For the first 100 customers to sign up for “Janitors On Steroids”, you will be put into a drawing for free janitorial services, a life-time supply of cleaning products, and a special Grand Prize Safari Adventure to Zambia.

Disclaimer: “Janitors On Steroids” is not responsible for any damage to your dwelling or personal property while frantically cleaning your home at top speed. “Janitors On Steroids” may from time to time feel the need to drink beer and administer steroids to maintain top level job performance. “Janitors On Steroids” is not in any way affiliated with the FM Observer except for the fact that we all hang out together and work for the same parent company.

Janitor Charged With Fondling Church Organ

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Forgiven but not forgotten.

Moorhead, MN – Unhappy church officials at the House Of God Inc. are investigating an alleged fondling of their church organ.

A man who had apparently dressed himself up to look like the church janitor was caught groping and fondling the large organ in the main church sanctuary.

The man, whose name is Peter Sexmeyer, was later discovered to be a level two sex offender who was also being sought in both Texas and Colorado for similar assaults on other smaller church organs.

Church president Mrs. Valerie Clankster said on behalf of their stunned congregation: “I think it’s very creepy that someone would do such a thing in our beloved church. It feels like our worship space has been violated. It will be hard to forgive this lewd and sinful act because now, whenever we sing our hymns, we’ll be thinking of that fricking pervert having sex with our big organ.”

Will this church congregation ever get past this salacious incident? Probably.

Will this church organ ever be the same? Probably not.

Will this sexoholic pseudo janitor get prison time for this organic act? Maybe not.

Should you be on the lookout for sex-crimes against your church organ? Maybe yes.