Bow….wow!

Fargo, ND—Pet owners often wonder: does my dog get lonely sitting home by itself while i’m away? The answer is most certainly yes. Rover is scared, anxious and above all, lonely when you’re not there. But he doesn’t have to be. Get Spot laid! You, the dog’s owner, can now play the role of Pooch Pimp with the help of Fargo’s new doggy dating service, Hitch-a-Bitch!

Hitch-a-Bitch CEO Johnnny Moores invented his company after he got sick of his dog constantly humping his leg. He thought to himself, “I need to get you a woman, Spike” and thus, Hitch-a-Bitch was born.

Hitch-a-Bitch’s patented dating metrics will match your dog to a canine with similar interests/hobbies. Does your dog like to chew any damn thing it can fit its mouth around? HAB will pair your dog up with a fellow chewer. Does your dog eat rocks? HAB will line Rex up with a fur-covered rock-gobbler with whom he can lick genitals!

Turn ons: walks, toys.
Turn offs: mailman, vacuum cleaner

As an added bonus, HAB will teach you basic sexualizing commands aimed at getting your dog better acquainted with its inner lover. HAB will help train your dog to hump on command. They can also train your dog to hug and and kiss other dogs at the snap of a finger.

Just fill out the hitch-a-bitch.com online questionnaire. Then, you and your mutt will be invited to the HAB doggie playpen to meet that special someone. Your pup is already well on its way to capturing canine companionship.

What could be more relaxing for your dog than a romp in the park with its one and only somebody? Rover and Daisy will soon be lovers. Your dog has a soulmate. Help him find it with Hitch-a-Bitch.