Tag Archives: matter

Punditic Thoughts On The Vice Presidential Debate

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What really matters?

Salt Lake City, Utah – Here are some important questions and answers regarding the October 7th Vice Presidential debate between Senator Kamala Harris and Vice President Mike Pence.

Q: Who do you think won this debate?
A: Black Flies Matter.

Q: What will be the historical take-away from this debate?
A: Black Flies Matter.

Q: What do you think Mike Pence would like to change about this debate?
A: Black Flies Matter.

Q: What do you think was the key moment during the debate?
A: Black Flies Matter.

Q: Besides the plexiglass, what stood out during this debate?
A: Black Flies Matter.

Q: What might some protest signs say after this debate?
A: Black Flies Matter.

Q: When people talk about this debate, what will be discussed first and foremost?
A: Black Flies Matter.

Q: What do you think matters most about this upcoming election?
A: Black Flies Matter.

Q: How will Saturday Night Live mock this debate?
A: Black Flies Matter.

Q: What issue was discussed the least during this debate?
A: Black Flies Matter.

Q: What do you think will be remembered most about this debate?
A: Black Flies Matter.

Zen Poets Group To Protest That ‘Blank Lines Matter’

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Blank Lines Matter!

Blank Lines Matter!

Zenda, Wisconsin – A group of minimalist Zen monks are forming an official protest group called: Blank Lines Matter!

As writers of Zen Koans and haikus, these humble Zen monks also believe that: Blank Lines Matter!

“As minimalists, we truly believe that a blank line is even more powerful than a non-blank line”, meditated Zen monk Basho (which means Banana Tree).

“When we look at a blank page of paper, full of blank lines, we are almost overwhelmed by its perfection and potential.”

If you too feel that Blank Lines Matter!, you are cordially invited to join the Zen monks at any of their Zen monasteries to drink the ceremonial green tea and crunch on candied crickets.

Feel free to express yourself by making protest signs that somewhere include: Blank Lines Matter!

Basho says don’t forget to include some blank lines on your protest poster.

Basho also wishes you a lifetime of peace and tranquility and reminds you to always remember that: Blank Lines Matter!

Basho’s Top Ten Zen Proverbs

Frack Lives Matter Movement Galvanizes In Western North Dakota

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Frack Lives Matter!

Williston, ND – With oil prices tumbling and jobs disappearing, western North Dakotans are channeling their frustration into a powerful, singular message: Frack Lives Matter.

Spokesperson Ole Baryll says the once booming oil fields are now standing idle, leaving only run-down man camps in their wake. “The drop in oil prices has left us frackers with a fracking disaster on our hands. We need the world to know how fracking bad it is here. Frack Lives Matter!”

In an effort to raise both awareness and money for the jobless man-campers, the Frack Lives Matter coalition will be staging a protest on Main Street in Williston at 5:00 Friday evening. In true North Dakota style, the protest will be promptly followed at 5:30 by a potluck/dance in the basement of Peace Lutheran Church.

“We’re calling the event Frackfest 2016,” says Baryll. “There will be fun games for the kids, an oil-filled dunk tank, and plenty of casseroles and Cheez-Whiz buns. The Sons of Norway will be serving up Frackfurters & beans, and Erma Johnson is in charge of the coffee. Hoppin’ Joe and The Crude Dudes take the stage at 7:00. Donations will be much appreciated. Frack Lives Matter!”

If you would like to participate in the protest, please dress warmly and bring a politely worded sign to the Town Hall parking lot at 4:30.