Tag Archives: milk man

Joaquin Phoenix’s “Cries Of Anguish” Wins The Oscar For Best Picture

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The next time you pour milk on your cereal, think of the calf who should have gotten that milk.

Hollywood, CA – As expected, Joaquin Phoenix’s movie Cries Of Anguish won the Academy Award for Best Picture.

Cries Of Anguish is a wonderful movie about cows being artificially inseminated.

Then, the cow babies are stolen from their mommy cows for the veal industry, which prompts unmistakable Cries Of Anguish.

All of the stolen milk, which should have gone to the baby cows, is taken from the mommies, only to be put into our cups of coffee and onto cereal in your cereal bowl.

Joaquin Phoenix, in his powerfully delivered acceptance speech, showed that he is no joker when it comes to pointing out the wrongful entitlement that humans feel in order to inflict such violent acts against our bovine friends.

Last Sane People On Earth Now Starting To Lose Their Minds

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Let's just try to "hold it together" for a little longer.

Let’s just try to “hold it together” for a little longer, okay?

Valentine, NE – Up until now, the last two sane people living in this insane world were Charles and Beverly Landstrum from Valentine, Nebraska.

But now, unfortunately, the Landstrums have begun to show signs that they too are starting to “lose it”.

When asked for comment, Beverly stated: “Well, I certainly thought I ordered two sour creams from the milk man but unless there was maybe some sort of problem with our Christmas tree being too short we may want to try out for Wheel Of Fortune.”

Charles then stepped in to clarify: “My mother used to make us fresh cookies every Saturday but I wanted to watch cartoons instead. So, can we watch some cartoons now?”

At this time, top federal investigators are unwilling to classify the Landstrums as crazy until they have had much more time to determine whether or not they fall into the strict federal definition of insane.