Tag Archives: naming rights

FM Observer Secures Naming Rights To Hazeltine National Golf Course Outhouses

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Waste where crap should be.

Chaska, MN—Brands®. You can’t escape them. Nowadays, it matters where your Brand™ is and how your Brand© looks. The more places your Brand° can exist, the better.

Almost every pro sport has caught on to this trend. Watch any ballgame these days and you’ll notice how brands have infiltrated almost every visual aspect. They’re on floors, jerseys, in the crowd, on the walls. Even the Green Monster at Fenway Park in Boston has fallen victim to them. Too bad. What is regarded as an iconic emblem of baseball’s storied history has been partially defaced by logos.

It’s go brand or go home these days, and we’ll be damned if we miss the boat on this one. That’s why our Agency Service Subcommittee of Homeland Advertising Techniques (ASSHAT) has been aggressively shopping our brand in places where no other satirical news agency would be foolish enough to advertise.

That said, we are proud to announce, in conjunction with the PGA Tour® and Port-A-Juan™, that our ASSHAT has successfully negotiated a very exclusive naming rights contract for this year’s 2016 Ryder Cup tournament! In a groundfracking 8-figure deal (move the decimal point a few spots to the left), FM Observer™ will have its logo plastered on every Port-A-Juan© outhouse on the Hazeltine front nine.

Patrons at Hazeltine the weekend of October 1st are going to reluctantly encounter the FMO brand prior to downloading. Our proud logo will adorn strategically-placed outhouses:

hazeltine

Relief at holes 1-9 brought to you by FM Observer®

In the competition of Brand® recognition, location is everything. We’re fixin’ to install our brand in the most awkward areas imaginable. We hope you get used to it.

FM Observer Secures Naming Rights For Blue Post-it Notes

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post-it-azul3-11

Brands®. They’re everywhere®. Get used to it®.

Temecula, CA—A much-anticipated blockbuster deal has been finalized. After extensive negotiations, the FM Observer has inked a lucrative branding contract with popular sticky note manufacturer Post-It. For the next decade, the FM Observer logo will be plastered on each and every blue 3″x3″ Post-it note.

FMO Spokesman Morven Tisslancer announced the deal to shareholders this morning. “I am pleased to announce naming rights for the blue Post-it notes have been secured. Not the yellow, not the pink, not the green. The blue ones, mmkay? From now until 2026, all 3-by-3-inch blue Post-it notes will contain the FM Observer agency logo. No comment. Next question.”

The FM Observer has been aggressively seeking a naming rights agreement after US Bank outbid them for the new Minnesota Vikings football stadium. Investors and developers say the deal with Post-it comes closest to meeting shareholder expectations and in the long run, will likely surpass the simple branding of a big, ugly football stadium.

MSNBC Trade Analyst Thousman VanDelay put things in general terms on last night’s Stock Jocks broadcast. “If FMO had papered the stadium deal, they wouldn’t have seen this perfect opportunity to brand up with Post-it. This is a major win for both parties.”

Exact terms of this agreement are not known. Speculation is that FMO paid mere dollars for the privilege of having yet another obscenely-placed brand thrust in the faces of American consumers.

Expect to start becoming infuriated by this brand placement within the next Fiscal Quarter.