Tag Archives: sanford

Fargo’s New Hospital To Treat Dogs And Cats

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SanFurd Pawspital to treat pets.

Fargo, ND – The new Sanford Mega-Hospital being built along I-94 has just announced that one entire wing will be devoted to providing healthcare for pets.

“Because of the recent pet population explosion, especially in the West Fargo area, we’ve decided that one of the four hospital wings will be exclusively for dogs and cats”, says Sanford spokesperson Pat Wingnut.

The new “Sanfurd Pawspital” (which the Pet Wing will affectionately be called) will honor both Peticare and Peticaid, as is mandated by Obamacare.

Sanford’s new Pet Hospital will have an indoor Petting Zoo, a No Barking Zone, along with a state-of-the-art I. C. U. and U. C. Me.

For any local cat emergencies, simply call Sanfurd Pawspital’s FeLine which is 8888-FELINE. For doggy problems, call the Canine Hot-Line which is 8888-ARF-ARF.

For Level One pet emergencies, the Flight-of-Life helicopter will pick up and lovingly bring your sick and wounded pets back to the HeliPad for immediate affordable care, as is mandated by Obamacare.

Sanford Hospital To Provide Free Valentine’s Day Heart Transplants

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Funny-pictures-baboon-butt-heartFargo, ND—A local hospital is taking a heartfelt initiative this Valentine’s Day. Starting at noon, the first 100 customers through the door at Sanford Health in downtown Fargo will receive a no-cost heart transplant.

“If you’re hopelessly alone on Valentine’s Day, chances are you have a broken heart and for that, we have a solution,” said Sanford President Kenneth Noisewater. “Due to a shipping error, our hospital is the proud, unfortunate owner of 22 crates of glistening baboon hearts.”

Noisewater mentioned that sufferers of heartbreak need to act fast as this is a very limited-time offer: “The first 100 victims of Valentine’s Day sadness will earn themselves a new ticker. Don’t wait! Surgeons are standing by!”

The Observer recommends you clutch your loved one tight this evening or you, too could be waiting in line for a set of monkey ventricles.