Tag Archives: soul

FMO Considering Selling Prayer Pillows To Help Fund Reader Appreciation Parties

Rest your head on a prayer!

Fargo, ND – Your FM Observer understands the importance of saying a bedtime prayer each and every night before retiring to dreamland. In fact, we believe this has been a big reason why we’ve been so successful at being a non-profit corporation. Things really started to turn around after hiring two full-time chaplains to help guide us spiritually and emotionally through our daily work lives.

To help us give back to our community, we’re considering selling FM Observer Prayer Pillows for the nominal fee of $150 each, which will go directly into our Party Fund.

To maximize your personal prayer power, here are five wonderful choices of prayers for your FMO Prayer Pillow, each one thoughtfully co-written by our two chaplains, Tempie Sadberry and Demetria Presby:

Now I lay me down to rest
After surviving yet another test
Tomorrow will bring more work and play
Hopefully, I’ll make it through another day

Now I crawl into my bed
With lots of thoughts up in my head
If I can’t somehow fall asleep
I’ll take some Xanax and count some sheep

As today is now terminating
Another night is germinating
Hopefully tomorrow will bring good weather
And I can somehow get my shit together

Back in my bedroom once again
Laying in bed, listening to my fan
To wake, I’ve set my digital clock
For protection, I have a loaded glock

Now I lay down on my back
Hoping I don’t have a heart attack
Or suffer a thrombotic stroke
About these things I’ll never joke

Prayerfully, all the letters in both “Tempie Sadberry” and “Demetria Presby” can be re-arranged to spell: Bed-time Prayers!

BREAKING: Your Mortal Soul Now Belongs To This Warlock

Has your soul.

Has your soul.

Fargo, ND—The Observer would like to regretfully inform you that your mortal soul, however puny and insignificant it may be, now belongs to this devious warlock.

Yes, you’re really screwed now. It was this whispering demon’s job to capture your body’s nucleus—your very essence—and he has done it.

Don’t you feel empty inside? Hasn’t a never-ending fatigue set in? Aren’t you consumed by anxiety and dread? That is because this warlock (pictured) is usurping your internal life-force. He’s drinking it away like a starving animal.

You never truly had a chance. He was coming for you, and there was no stopping him. All we can now do is wait until he finishes his reaping.