Grand Forks, ND—Sources have confirmed the existence of a newly revamped UND sports team jersey! This photo, leaked by an insider at the University of North Dakota, shows a rough depiction of a team hockey jersey embroidered with the word SPERM and what appears to be a giant sperm whale.
Team executives have been working in conjunction with the NCAA to implement a new, contemporary, non-offensive nickname for the University. It looks like they’ve hit a home run here.
While this leaves virtually nothing to the imagination, we still have to speculate whether or not the next UND team nickname will be the Fighting Sperm Whales. All things considered, the whale species pictured is definitely a sperm whale, and the lettering above the whale is absolutely S-P-E-R-M.
This being said, sports team broadcast announcers are said to be working feverishly on new in-game catch phrases:
- “Sperm slam it home!”
- “That’s a whale of sperm!”
- “Sperm gonna getcha!”
- “When a man and a woman love each other very much…”
- “Sperm found the egg! It’s all over!”
Locals are excited to finally have a nickname for their beloved team.
UND hockey fan Sandra Crabapple:
“Sperm whales? Cool! That’s not offensive or gross at all.”
UND football fan Terry Noisewater:
“I can’t wait to yell about sperm during games!”
While there is no timetable for the return of a team nickname and logo, this new evidence suggests we will be screaming the name of the mighty sperm whale sooner rather than later.
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